I have a problem with girls...

[partly]

As in identifying with female characters -- especially in television shows, but in books, too.

Part of it is that I've never given a lot of thought to "gender roles" as it applied to me. I did what I liked and I identified with character who behave in ways I would like to behave and who do things that I would like to do.

There was an old song called "I want to be a Cowboy's Sweetheart". I never wanted to be the cowboy's sweetheart, I wanted to be the damn cowboy. I didn't want to sit around waiting for the hero to come back or waiting to be rescued. I didn't want to wait for some stupid knight in shining armor to finally find me, I wanted to be able to rescue myself. And if the girl characters couldn't do that, I just identified with the characters that could. Who cares if it was a guy? If he could do it, so could I.

The other part is that most shows that focus on women focus on the aspects of women that I have a hard time identifying with: The aspect that is always looking for "a man" or "true love". Don't get me wrong, I love a good ship as much as anyone, but there is a whole hell of a lot more to life than that. Especially when it usually has so much more to do with sex than with really finding someone to share a life with.

I'm not weepy nor insecure and I have a low tolerance for characters that are so. Since weepy and insecure are not traits often assigned to male characters, they have the edge there, too. (That probably is the reason that I don't like Woody Allen movies, too.) And if you do become weepy and insecure (and we all do) you have to go out and fix yourself, by yourself, not rely on some guy to do it for you.

Then there's the whole thought that all female characters define themselves on their looks. It seems that every female character has to go through a "OMG, I was so beautiful and desirable and now I'm not *sob*". Or some horror/future twist where they are old and unattractive. Get real. People damn well better be more than their looks and the only alternative to getting old is dying and I'm not not rushing into that.

There are female characters out there that I do greatly admire. Aeryn from Farscape wis wonderful. Granted she is psychologically twisted by her upbringing, but she is a solid character who wasn't an emotional wreck simply because she is a woman. Zoe from Firefly is perfect. She is strong and secure and confident. She also fell in love and married, none of which changed who she was. Stella from CSI:NY is good too. She is emotionally strong and contained, confident and not looking for some guy to define her.

I get that I'm different. The net is full of fans who gush about the female characters and the guy or relationship or sex that will define the character and make them whole. I like a good romance, I love a good romantic comedy and I adore the idea of friends who fall in love. But a character who is defined on her sexual relationships or her ability to bed people is a boring character and not one I'd want to identify with, even if I could. Because a character like that is weak. She is relying on others to define her. Sure, she works hard to make herself desirable and beautiful but in the end she is relying on the whim of some other person to provide her with worth.

I just want more for myself than that. I certainly want more for my daughter than that.

Comments

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

I did what I liked and I identified with character who behave in ways I would like to behave and who do things that I would like to do.

Huh. See, I can make the exact same statement, but most of the characters I ended up identifying with were female anyway. And they weren't defined by the "standard" female character things. Or if they were -- and I've grown up to discover that many of them are considered to be so -- I never, ever saw them that way. That wasn't the aspect of them that I paid any attention to. Which probably doesn't surprise you, given the amount of grousing I do about the increasing prevalence of pairing-centric fandom. *wry g*

I used to be very puzzled about why I honestly didn't recall ever feeling like I was being told I was supposed to be that way as a kid, when practically every woman I know bemoaned having it shoved at her from all directions, and thus quite reasonably continues to resent it in fiction now. I had an epiphany several years ago that it wasn't just how effectively most of the adults around me countered it (which they did), but that the expectations of what a girl could/should do were simply superseded by the expectations of what a "smart kid" could/should do. I was defined far, far more by my intelligence (and what people think that means) than by my gender, for as long as I can remember. So those were the expectations I set out to challenge. There probably were gender-based messages coming at me, and I was just oblivious to them because I was too busy with the other ones.

I'm always rather surprised I don't encounter more people with that experience in fandom, but so far I've really never seen anyone express it.

[kitap.livejournal.com]

I think part of the problem is so many action/detective/science fiction show writers have been/are men.

So women come off a little off. Even Cannell, who believes in strong women (notice he didn't have Amy lusting after every guy she ran across) doesn't quite get them right.

Also of course, they assume most of the watchers of these shows will be male as well.