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Every morning I leave for school and my daughter is home alone for about 20 minutes before her ride comes to pick her up. No problem. Especially today since Wil was still in bed, sleeping.
However.
Today, after I left, it seems the upstairs neighbor came down to ask to use our phone (not sure if they have one up there or not but they have asked to use the phone before). Myr said yes and brought the phone outside for her to use. The neighbor called 911, said that she was schizophrenic and that she was having an episode and that they needed to come.
The police came (quickly, mind you, because all this happened several minutes after I left and yet before Myr was picked up). And Myria heard some of what the neighbor said about her "episode" -- something about her son being attacked in another dimension -- before her ride came.
At this point, Myr woke up Wil because she had to go and didn't know what to do with the police there and the phone outside and the door open... then she left for school. Wil said everything went away pretty much after that, but mind you he just woke up and really didn't know what was going on because Myr didn't tell him anything but that the phone was outside and the door was open.
Now. Myr is handling this all extremely well. She has some grasp of what schizophrenia is. She was, in fact, upset that someone at school said the neighbor was "crazy" because, as Myr says, she's not crazy, she has schizophrenia.
It was a stressful -- albeit not dangerous -- event and Myr went to school and doesn't seem to have any problems dealing with all this. I can't tell you how proud of her I am.
Now, I know the basics about schizophrenia. And knowing the neighbor has it does explain some of the rather bizarre sounds that were coming from upstairs the past couple of days. I know that schizophrenia isn't an inherently dangerous thing. I understand that it is, as Myria said, not crazy.
I am, still, totally unsure of what to do now.
Do I tell Myria not to lock the door and not answer it for any reason? Small town here. I leave the doors unlocked when I am at home. In the time between when I leave and Myr's ride is here she often only leaves the screen door open (or did when it was warm enough) so she could hear when her ride got here.
I am uneasy at the thought of leaving her alone here tomorrow. Which is totally wrong, because the neighbor's have lived upstairs for close to a year with no problems.
I don't want her to lock the world out. And, Lord knows, it was a good thing she did letting her use the phone because the neighbor needed help.
But she is eleven and shouldn't have to deal with this, no matter how well she handled it.
I really don't want to scare her about the neighbor either. The neighbor is a nice person, if somewhat private (and, now, I know why).
ACK. ACK. ACK.
I know. I know. All the bad things that happen to kids and people happen in small towns just as easily as big cities. Don't answer the door. Don't answer the phone. Don't get involved.
But that's how life goes to hell in a handbasket. How do I draw the line, where do I lock the world out? At what point is it just all about the "safe" thing? And... and how can it not be? Bad things happen. It didn't happen here and I'm not thinking that it will... but bad things happen.
There's safe. There's smart. There's right.
How do I teach an eleven-year-old when you should have to choose between them, when I haven't a clue myself?
I need more information. Not sure what information I need, but I feel I need it. Don't know where to get it either.
I'll talk more to Myr. I will think more on it. I will say several prayers for neighbor and child.
Just... I want answers. Pat, simple, safe answers. But I know life doesn't work that way.
However.
Today, after I left, it seems the upstairs neighbor came down to ask to use our phone (not sure if they have one up there or not but they have asked to use the phone before). Myr said yes and brought the phone outside for her to use. The neighbor called 911, said that she was schizophrenic and that she was having an episode and that they needed to come.
The police came (quickly, mind you, because all this happened several minutes after I left and yet before Myr was picked up). And Myria heard some of what the neighbor said about her "episode" -- something about her son being attacked in another dimension -- before her ride came.
At this point, Myr woke up Wil because she had to go and didn't know what to do with the police there and the phone outside and the door open... then she left for school. Wil said everything went away pretty much after that, but mind you he just woke up and really didn't know what was going on because Myr didn't tell him anything but that the phone was outside and the door was open.
Now. Myr is handling this all extremely well. She has some grasp of what schizophrenia is. She was, in fact, upset that someone at school said the neighbor was "crazy" because, as Myr says, she's not crazy, she has schizophrenia.
It was a stressful -- albeit not dangerous -- event and Myr went to school and doesn't seem to have any problems dealing with all this. I can't tell you how proud of her I am.
Now, I know the basics about schizophrenia. And knowing the neighbor has it does explain some of the rather bizarre sounds that were coming from upstairs the past couple of days. I know that schizophrenia isn't an inherently dangerous thing. I understand that it is, as Myria said, not crazy.
I am, still, totally unsure of what to do now.
Do I tell Myria not to lock the door and not answer it for any reason? Small town here. I leave the doors unlocked when I am at home. In the time between when I leave and Myr's ride is here she often only leaves the screen door open (or did when it was warm enough) so she could hear when her ride got here.
I am uneasy at the thought of leaving her alone here tomorrow. Which is totally wrong, because the neighbor's have lived upstairs for close to a year with no problems.
I don't want her to lock the world out. And, Lord knows, it was a good thing she did letting her use the phone because the neighbor needed help.
But she is eleven and shouldn't have to deal with this, no matter how well she handled it.
I really don't want to scare her about the neighbor either. The neighbor is a nice person, if somewhat private (and, now, I know why).
ACK. ACK. ACK.
I know. I know. All the bad things that happen to kids and people happen in small towns just as easily as big cities. Don't answer the door. Don't answer the phone. Don't get involved.
But that's how life goes to hell in a handbasket. How do I draw the line, where do I lock the world out? At what point is it just all about the "safe" thing? And... and how can it not be? Bad things happen. It didn't happen here and I'm not thinking that it will... but bad things happen.
There's safe. There's smart. There's right.
How do I teach an eleven-year-old when you should have to choose between them, when I haven't a clue myself?
I need more information. Not sure what information I need, but I feel I need it. Don't know where to get it either.
I'll talk more to Myr. I will think more on it. I will say several prayers for neighbor and child.
Just... I want answers. Pat, simple, safe answers. But I know life doesn't work that way.
no subject
heh, I know how bill sleeps. at least she was able to get him up
Maybe this is one of the parts of her life, and your life where she gets a little independance, and a little more risk. Any parent would like thier to be NO risk to thier child but have to understand that you can't take into account everything.
I think the best thing to do is bring it up with the mr, and maybe use some examples of other situations that might come up. And decide with her wether you feel you need to lock the doors.
All my best to you, wil, and myr.
no subject
Now is actually the best time for her to LEARN about making these choices. And you're right, there isn't any solution that always keeps you safe while helping others. That's why being a police officer is such a dangerous occupation. It will ALWAYS be a decision, and she needs to learn the tools for making those decisions. Don't tell her to always keep the door locked; that's a good way to create a shutin full of fear. Don't tell her to always keep the door open, that's a great way to create a victim waiting to happen. Instead, give her tools to make decisions. Observe and tell her about her abilities with people, tell her which of her instincts she can rely on, and remind her to stop and think under certain circumstances where her nature might make her act too rashly or cruelly. Teach her to see ALL the alternatives, not just "open the door" or "lock the door".
Not that I'm an authority at parenting, but it's what I've seen the good ones doing, and something I've seen YOU doing, for that matter. I just...thought maybe reminding you of it might be what you need tonight.
Remember, you and Wil have cell phones. Your folks are in the area too, so you have excellent backup. If she needs help making those decisions in the coming years, she can reach you or your parents. Remind her of this, and make sure to reinforce it. Let her know she can hide behind you when her instincts tell her to avoid something. (If friends want to do something and she thinks it's too dangerous, she can tell them you won't let her, even without checking with you first, for instance.)
...and praying's a good idea, too! :-)