Rambling on Goals

[partly]

I haven't been posting lately, and there is a perfectly good explanation for that:

I have a lot on my mind.

Strange, but true.

The more I have to think about, the more topics there are that are stressing me out and capturing my attention, the less likely I am to write about them.

I know that's opposite of how the average person deals with things, but I've never been one to follow the crowd.



The point is, I can't talk about things until I know how I feel about those things. Writing about them is even worse. One the ink hits the page, it's there, it's permanent. "So it is written, so let it be done."

I know, I know. Most reasonable, sane people don't think that way. I'll even bet you that most unreasonable, non-sane people don't think that way. But it's the way I deal with things. If something is bothering me, if I'm having problems, if there is something I'm working on, I'm not going to be talking about it until I'm sure how I feel about it or I know how I think I should deal with it.

Once I know that, I'll talk with people and get their opinions or views and adjust mine. But until I have that base of how I feel and think, I'm totally incapable of communicating in any way.

And if I'm emotional about the topic. Forget it There will be no conversation. No soul searching dialog where I work though everything. Ain't. Gonna. Happen. Not until I got it all under control.

And, boy, don't that sound neurotic?

The point to all this? Besides informing you that I must be a severely repressed, control freak who will one day prey on the innocent victims around me?

There is one aspect of this I would like to change.

Yes, only one. And I heard that, finabair.

I treat my fiction writing (both fan and original) much the same way.

I never post what I'm working on because, in all honesty, I believe I won't finish it. And if I'm going be a failure, I'm going to do it privately, rather than announce it to the whole damn world.

Then there's that whole "my work really sucks" thought that niggles at the back of my brain and makes me insane when I post stuff. Better to avoid the whole insecurity thing when I post something that no one comments on. 'cuz there's nothing I hate more than using outside proof to bolster my feelings of failure... Because I know that it doesn't mean anything. Gads.

Once I have something finished, I'm cool. It's done, it's been edited and thought and rethought. I don't post it 'till I'm happy with it and then comments don't matter. But works-in-progress or even the 'this is my plans' type thing, that's totally different. See, as someone who does introspection alone, posting goals in public becomes a little overwhelming.

But I don't work well without deadlines. Hell, I didn't get my SG proposal out until the last day and I edited it until the moment I stuck it in the envelope. Deadlines motivate me. And goals without deadlines are just so much wishful thinking.



Now, to the point to this long winded ramble: I need a way to give myself deadlines. Deadlines that I will pay attention to. Or at least, deadlines that I will notice when I totally blow them.

I'm going to start small. I will post one goal every Friday that will need to be done by the following Friday. On Friday I will have a good idea of what my weekend will be like and can adjust my goals. Please feel free to ignore such ramblings.

I'm also going to try to post one post a week where I actually write down my thoughts on some subject. Because I do have thoughts and I should write them down.