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Oct. 14th, 2004
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Clueless...
Oct. 14th, 2004 10:53 pmThere are times when I have no idea what I'm doing as a parent.
Ok. There are a LOT of times when I don't know what I'm doing as a parent.
Some days it's just more obvious.
Myr is one of the most conscientious and reliable people I know. She always has what she needs and does what is required (outside of cleaning her room). Today she totally flaked.
She lost her clarinet -- somewhere. Most likely she left it at school setting by her locker... but a clarinet is not a small (nor inexpensive) thing to lose. Now, I probably would not have spazzed at that however she failed to tell me that she lost her clarinet until well after we could have done something about it. And after she spent time hanging out with friends. And when she did tell me it was in the "Oh, aren't I so cute, I lost something" manner. Which is so totally unlike her. The whole thing was so totally unlike her.
Now, I will take into consideration that during all this "Don't mention to mom I lost something worth hundreds of dollars" she was with a friend and eleven-year-olds tend to become total idiots when they are together.
But still... how do I handle something like that. She needs to tell me things like that right away. Things happen... I can deal with that. But ignoring that things happen, that's bad.
So, I got angry. Or rather, I let myself get angry. My anger impresses my daughter. It upsets her but it impresses upon her that I am truly upset in a way that nothing else can.
I try, very hard, to be unflappable about things that happen. Friend problems, unfinished homework, questionable grades... I try to be calm and logical and help her work through things. She's a kid. She doesn't have to be perfect. She doesn't have to do everything right. She will make mistakes. But she needs to deal with things quickly and straightforwardly.
I'm not sure if my getting angry will teach her that. I know that calm acceptance wasn't going to get the job done. I know that just telling her that she should have told me wouldn't have done it either. These things I know about my child. And me.
I just feel so bad that I made her feel bad.
Things are better now. I wasn't angry long, mind you. Just long enough for her to get good and truly upset. And I know that she's stressed about the clarinet (which is good, IMO) but she isn't inconsolable about it either. It should be at school in the AM. (With luck and prayers)
She also forgot to study her European Countries for a test tomorrow and let all the study materials at school. That we fixed by downloading maps off the internet and she has all 50 of them down. Which is good.
Still...
I have no idea what I'm doing here.
Ok. There are a LOT of times when I don't know what I'm doing as a parent.
Some days it's just more obvious.
Myr is one of the most conscientious and reliable people I know. She always has what she needs and does what is required (outside of cleaning her room). Today she totally flaked.
She lost her clarinet -- somewhere. Most likely she left it at school setting by her locker... but a clarinet is not a small (nor inexpensive) thing to lose. Now, I probably would not have spazzed at that however she failed to tell me that she lost her clarinet until well after we could have done something about it. And after she spent time hanging out with friends. And when she did tell me it was in the "Oh, aren't I so cute, I lost something" manner. Which is so totally unlike her. The whole thing was so totally unlike her.
Now, I will take into consideration that during all this "Don't mention to mom I lost something worth hundreds of dollars" she was with a friend and eleven-year-olds tend to become total idiots when they are together.
But still... how do I handle something like that. She needs to tell me things like that right away. Things happen... I can deal with that. But ignoring that things happen, that's bad.
So, I got angry. Or rather, I let myself get angry. My anger impresses my daughter. It upsets her but it impresses upon her that I am truly upset in a way that nothing else can.
I try, very hard, to be unflappable about things that happen. Friend problems, unfinished homework, questionable grades... I try to be calm and logical and help her work through things. She's a kid. She doesn't have to be perfect. She doesn't have to do everything right. She will make mistakes. But she needs to deal with things quickly and straightforwardly.
I'm not sure if my getting angry will teach her that. I know that calm acceptance wasn't going to get the job done. I know that just telling her that she should have told me wouldn't have done it either. These things I know about my child. And me.
I just feel so bad that I made her feel bad.
Things are better now. I wasn't angry long, mind you. Just long enough for her to get good and truly upset. And I know that she's stressed about the clarinet (which is good, IMO) but she isn't inconsolable about it either. It should be at school in the AM. (With luck and prayers)
She also forgot to study her European Countries for a test tomorrow and let all the study materials at school. That we fixed by downloading maps off the internet and she has all 50 of them down. Which is good.
Still...
I have no idea what I'm doing here.
