Partly

I follow Jeff Eastin (creator of White Collar) on Twitter and he had been posting bits of White Collar scripts in the days leading up to each new episode as the season came to an end. I read these little script-bits because I'm always interested in see the creative process at work.

Script writing (like most writing) is done in drafts, but scripts for plays or shows or movies is not a "pure" art -- as in the end result isn't the vision and work of just one person. Rather everyone who is involved in the project adds a dimension to the written words. The best work comes when the parties involved work together and share a common vision. Everyone brings something extra to the project and you end up with gestalt-- the final "whole" is much greater than the sum of it's parts.

The scripts Jeff Eastin posts are the shooting scripts. The words and actions on the page are actually the words and actions on the screen when I watched it. Yet the scene I read on the page is so very different than the scene that I watch on the screen. On the screen it just works. On screen, it has more depth, more feeling, more purpose than just words on the page.

And I get that. When you write a script, most of the details are in the writer's head. Only the dialogue and most basic directions are put on the page. All of the emotions, the connotations, the meanings are in the minds of the writers and the directors and the actors. It's the cooperative talent of all those people, sharing and refining the vision, that makes the finished product a work of magic.

Which is why trying to understand the appeal of a show or of character based on scripts/transcripts is almost impossible. And why writing fanfic for a show based solely on scripts/transcripts is unadvisable.

Even worse is to watch a show through recaps and reviews. I'm not even talking about recappers and reviewers who get the actual details wrong. And that's happens a great deal. I've seen recaps that actually quote dialog wrong. That have actions in the wrong order. That put people in different places then they were in the show. I've read some recaps and really wonder if the recapper had watched a different show than I had.

Of course, even if all the details are right, the recappers job is more than to just tell what happened. The recapper's job is to entertain while recapping. To share their views and opinions, even if only in a general way. If it's not entertaining or clever, it's not part of the recap. Even the most objective of recappers will bring some of their own personal opinion into the recap. (I've written recaps, I know this is true.) Recappers will often leave out small parts that deal with characters they don't like or a subplot they didn't enjoy. They will interpret lines to fit their own preferences in the show. I've seen recappers take what I saw as a casual, throw-away line and interpret it into a scathing condemnation of character. Or soften a line or two to make a character they like be more sympathetic.

When the recap is mixed with a review, well, the problem is compounded. Then controversial plot lines and writer choices suddenly become fair game to spin. This is most often seen with OTPs. Nothing like looking at a show through "romance goggles" to skew a show. Of course, the same can be said when the recapper/reviewer loves one character above all others.

That's the point of reviews, I suppose. The fun in writing and reading recaps. The problem is, they aren't actually true representations of the show.

I read a lot of crossover fic. A great deal of the crossover fic deals with shows that I don't watch. I have, at times, gone back and read reviews, recaps, or summaries of the shows to get a feel for the characters and events that are being written about. Later, when I can, I find and watch the shows. It's rarely the show I thought it would be. I watch an episode looking for a scene that is focused on in fanfic, and I often find that it isn't at all the way I had understood it to be. I meet a character and I'm surprised to find that they aren't at all the way they were portrayed in the recap.

This is one of the reasons I love Netflix so much. I can watch these shows and see for myself what they are like. I mean, if the scripts, written by the creator of the show, doesn't manage to capture the ambiance and milieu of the show, how can I expect a viewer to do so?

I like looking at shows from different angles. I enjoy tension and complications. I love the small details of interactions and the subtle play of inflection and body language. I prefer a show that makes all the characters sympathetic, flawed and real.

Recaps, reviews, even scripts, because of what they are, can't deliver that. You can't judge a show based on those things. And you certainly shouldn't dislike a show based on them.

But it sure is fun comparing them all.

I have many thoughts (thinky meta-type thoughts) on this season of SPN, but I thought I'd better write up my opinion on what's up with Sam before the show comes along and gives it's explanation. I'm prepared to be invalidated, but the show hasn't disappointed me even when it doesn't do what I want it to. Need I warn you that this is long?

( First of all let me state that I really want Sam to be Sam. )

I realize this is a lot to ask from a television show. But I'll be happy if they just address a part of it. If it's the background theme to the overall story arc and MOTW that appears, like Free Will was last season. I'm usually happier when a show doesn't explain it all because I'd rather fill in the missing bits than have to deal with something that I feel doesn't work. So far the show hasn't let me down.

I belong to several "Last Author Standing" communities and in order to vote on the fic, you have to read it all. Now, unlike when I go off looking for fic to read for fun, I don't read the warnings or headings on these fic because, one, I'm going to have to read them all no matter what they say and, two, I don't want to go in with any expectations. I don't have a problem with this because while my heart belongs to canon-compliant fic, I have no triggers or issues that would make reading blind dangerous.

I've read a lot of different fic lately, stuff I would have normally skipped do to its warnings and descriptions. I've come to this (probably very obvious) conclusion: I don't see the world the same way most fic writers do. I'm not just talking characterization here. I know I tend to see my characters as stronger and slightly more well-adjusted that a lot of fans. No, I'm talking that what people understand as happening when they write the words is fundamentally different from what I understand is happening when I read the words. This is most obvious when it comes to slash.

There's been any number of fics that I've read that I've been totally shocked to find out were classified as "slash". There was no slash in these stories. None. There wasn't even a generic profession of love that could be taken as slash. There wasn't any internal thoughts of romance or desire or any like emotion. There wasn't any outside POV explaining how slashy the scene looked to them. Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

I understand that I don't see slash in the shows the way a lot of people do. But this is fic, people. Stories that, presumably, the author intentionally wrote with the desire to have a slash relationship going on. Either they aren't writing what they think they are writing, or I'm really, really dense. It's a small thing I know, but right now I have the urge write these authors and point out that they really aren't writing what they think they are. It's not romance without a romance. It's not a death fic without a death. It's not porn without sex. In order for it to be slash, you have to write in a slash relationship. Just sayin'

I totally fail at writing Haiku. At least I totally fail at writing Haiku tonight. I've been in a writing slump, which is odd because I've gotten a few warm, fuzzy feedback things lately. Real life is frighteningly real right now, though, so that may be the problem. However, because I can do so, I am going to ignore real life in my LJ. At least for right now.

I was surprised to get a note from GateFic Awards saying that my fic Necessary Sacrifices was nominated for an award. Yay, me. I love that fic. I think its the best fic I've ever written and I'm thrilled that people are still reading it. Especially since it's so damn long. All I'd have to do is make some graphics, throw in a music mix and I could claim a big bang entry. It's a lot to ask people to read a 53k fic.

Myr won't read it because she don't like that I have bad things happen to Jack. Oddly enough, I don't think I was all that mean, but I choose to take her avoidance as a compliment. I'm very happy with some of the POV things I did and I liked some of the little details I put in. I just read it through again and I didn't hate it, so that's a plus.

I want to finish a little White Collar/Burn Notice fic that I started on a lark. Right now I just have Elizabeth Burke meeting up with our favorite burned spy down in Miami. I've fallen in love with the idea and I'm going to try to work through my "I can't write" feelings and see if I can get it done.

And I have to how off my Auggie icon. I love the tattoo. I love the character. And you can never have too many icons of good-looking men. Or at least I can't.

I've been writing fic with word limits lately (drabbles, double-drabbles and the like). I get the base of the story in and then I do a word count. I get really excited when it's under -- "Woo-hoo, I've got four words!" You can do a lot with four words, baby. Even more exciting is 12 words - that's a whole concept, a theme, a mood.

Yeah. I'm spending way too much time on these little bits of writing.

I will, however, share them all with you at some point.

I'm completely caught up on Supernatural (both happy and sad about that). My other current obsession is Criminal Minds. A show that I didn't like when it first came out, but that I adore right now.

Unfortunately, in my effort not to think about the uncertainty of my future, my brain has decided to come up with crossover plot bunnies for Supernatural and Criminal Minds.

This is not a good thing.

I haven't written anything in months. I have these ideas but I feel totally incapable of writing them (or anything, for that matter). Needless to say, this suddenly makes my fun escapist television all stressful and insecurity inducing.

Gads, I hate my brain!

A comment from donnickcottage on my last writing post got me to thinking...

Writing for the love of writing is the way to do it. People talk about how writing "flows" and how wonderful it is, how they "love" writing.

I don't know if I can say that I love writing. I know I can say that I don't not love writing.

This is me searching to understand.

I know that I think about writing. I sit at my computer and I plot and plan and think about writing. I love to read writing books. I enjoy being part of my critique group. I absolutely adore it when I finally get the words down.

Characters, plots, dialog, scenes -- they all float around in my head. I just have problems with the translation to paper. My fingers don't seem to have the same desire as my mind. Or maybe my mind can't string the words together in order to share my ideas with others.

It isn't about recognition, exactly. I've written a piece that has been widely read (in it's fandom) and has even won an award. That was amazing, but what's most amazing is that it's a story. Something I created and holds my ideas and thoughts and beliefs and concepts. It's a story, a part of me -- complete and on paper.

Maybe that's what I'm looking for: "completion". When it comes to writing, I'm flighty; I drift from one thing to another. I'm easily distracted; I never finish anything, not to the level the idea deserves.

There's a line from one of my favorite songs Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick. It goes: I'm still awake writing a song If i get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me threaten' the life it belongs to. My compulsion to write it down on paper isn't that strong -- I wish it were. I wish I had that "drive" to write, a compulsion that allows me to push everything else aside and write. It would be easier. It would allow me to do what I need to do.

Right now, I feel "incomplete" and I don't know what to do about it.

2007 could best be know as my "Year of No Writing". I didn't write anything last year. As in.... zip. Nada. Nothing. I'd be hard pressed to come up with more than 1000 words of fic -- be it original or fanfic. As of late, I write so seldom on LJ that I’m not sure that I can even consider myself as writing anything, in any form.

I've been giving serious thought, these past several months, to giving up on writing. As in, giving up on the idea that I should write and just spend my creative time doing something else.

And it's not really a question of enjoyment, really. Writing has never been "easy" for me. I fight over the words I use, I obsess over nuances of character and, as one writing professor told me, I plot like a 19th century novelist. Still, I enjoy doing it; the same way I enjoy any hard work that produces a solid result.

( In many ways, my problem is a philosophical one. )

I will write you all a drabble:

The first fifteen people to comment on this post get to request a drabble from me. Feel free, if you want, to post this meme in your journal. But I will write a drabble in any case.

Fandoms I have in my interests are: 24, A-Team, Blake's 7, Bones, Bourne series (movies), Chuck, Cowboy Bebop, Criminal Minds, Dead Zone, Die Hard, Doctor Who, Dresden Files, Due South, Early Edition, Equalizer, Eureka, Firefly/Serenity, Forever Knight, Harry Potter, Heroes, I Spy, Journeyman, Lord of the Rings, Magnum PI, Man from Uncle, M*A*S*H, Quantum Leap, Simon and Simon, Sliders, Stargate, Stargate: Atlantis, Stingray (NBC series), Touched by an Angel, Winnie the Pooh

If you want something that I don't have listed, ask. I probably know enough about the fandom or characters to write a drabble.

And I love crossovers, so if you want one of those, I'll write that!

If you have no interest in fandom, I'll write you a 100 word story on the setting/emotion/theme of your choice.

That should cover everyone *grin*.

(Gakked from amilyn)

The sign-ups for the next Yuletide are open.

I'm still not sure if I want to participate. I don't enjoy most of the fic created from it, even though quite a bit of it is wonderfully written. I often feel like I'm venturing into a foreign country when I drop into Yuletide -- a land of people who look at fic differently, who read and write it for different reasons and purposes, who focus on different aspects of characters, people who almost speak a different language.

The only reason I'm considering joining is because I really liked the story I wrote last year. Some of my best writing, if only because I managed to say what I wanted to in under 1500 words. If I do join, I think I'll do it in order to be challenged to write something outside my usual comfort zone. That, of course, is a drawback right there. I'm completely aware that I don't see shows or characters the same way most fans do and I'm always afraid that they won't be what the requester wanted. For that matter, I'm always uncertain if my requests are the kind that people would enjoy writing.

Yeah, I know it's a lot of introspection over fanfic, but writing--writing anything--does that to me. It's totally beyond me why I want to do something that makes me feel so insecure and completely inadequate.

Yet, I do. I'm sure there is a mental illness that covers that.

I am watching the commentary on Die Hard -- the subtitled commentary, not the verbal one. I've had the DVDs for years but never watched this commentary. However, I'm on a Die Hard kick and thought I'd see what it had to say. It's very will done, interweaving comments from the director, writers, actors and reviewers, etc.

At one point, while discussing the character of Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman's first film role) De Souza (one of the writers) comments: If you want to get technical, John McClane is really the antagonist of the movie. The protagonist of the movie is Hans Gruber. People mix up hero, villain, protagonist, antagonist. This is where most screenplays go wrong. The hero isn't always the protagonist. The villain isn't always the antagonist. The protagonist is the person who starts the ball rolling, the protagonist of Die Hard is Hans Gruber when he decides to rob this building. You write a movie like this by asking, "What does the protagonist want? What does he have to do to get it? What does the antagonist do to thwart him?" This film works so well because everybody working on it knew the difference between the protagonist and hero and because we always go back tot he protagonist to see what he does to offset the counter-move by the antagonist, who is the hero!

( This is an interesting concept because )

A grammar question, please.

When writing dialogue and wanting to end a sentance in mid-thought, is a dash (--) or an ellipse (...) used? I've had sources that contradict each other. Should I choose one and stick with it?

I also have one source that says:: "The dash is used to indicate an abrupt break" and "The ellipse is used to indicate that a sentence trails off before the end". To me that would mean I would use both in my writing to indicate two different things.

"Everyone stay down I have a--" A shot echoed through the night and he folded to the ground, dead.

"I don't know what else it..." She chewed her lip, but didn't go on.

Yes? No? The sentences are so badly written I should just shoot myself?

I'm reading fic and it's well written and interesting, but it has an underlying injustice and helplessness to it. Like the person who's writing it has the fundamental belief that good never wins; that the right thing may be what some people aim for but in the end the world is cruel and heartless; the best you can hope is that you accept that and try not to be bitter. While I greatly appreciate that there is none of the usual wallowing in angst over the injustice of life, there is not struggle to make things better either.

There is also the underlying thought that people -- even the people who care about you -- cannot understand you and, therefore, none of their actions will ever, truly matter. It's one of those fics where the POV character is always right and misunderstood and tries his/her best, but the other character's behaviors are always as self-serving, less-than-adequate, and half-hearted. Or else done out of pity and guilt.

That's not unusual for fanfic, as fanfic often takes the worst possible view of everyone's actions or else spins them in such a way that the actions are hollow and meaningless. The unique thing about his fic is that it has a changing POV. Usually the writers of such stories have one character and that one character is the misunderstood outcast that wonders through life being wronged and alone. This fic changes POVs so that there are now five such people wondering around. And, most confusingly, they are alternately, the misunderstood and the one who just 'doesn't get it'.

I get no pleasure from reading such fic -- no mater how interesting the plot is. I understand being a misunderstood outcast, feeling that no one in the world could ever know how I feel or appreciate the aloneness that comes from being unique or living in a area where most have no idea what 'fandom' is. But that doesn't mean I can't relate to them at all, on any level. And it doesn't mean that they can't ever relate to me, either.

Most importantly, it doesn't mean that their actions are lessened by that lack of understanding. If I'm feeling down and someone empathizes and brings me a cup of coffee or a chocolate bar to help me feel better, that action is worth something, even if that person really doesn't have clue why I'm feeling that way.

It's a tendency to paint everything in the worst possible light in order to make the main character sympathetic -- not by having them behave in a sympathetic way, but by having everyone else be completely unsympathetic. It also makes the main character's actions right because everyone else is incapable of seeing the real problem; thereby eliminating the need for the author to truly justify the actions.

You want me to like your character? Then make him/her likeable, don't make everyone else a bunch of jerks. Otherwise, in the end, I won't like anyone.

Three things of note:

Heard back from Stargatenovels people. They received my proposal and will (eventually) try to read it. They said they'd get back to me in three months. Which is cool. I'm sure they have a ton of proposals. I'm pleased to see that they put the title I gave it in the subject line. AND I'm pleased that I haven't been thinking about it at all lately. Very cool.

I have finished two scenes in my new fic. Good for me. They read well and are off being betaed. I have a good start of several of the following scenes. I feel confident that I'm gonna finish this, which is good. Not sure I'll make the 18th deadline, but I'm gonna give it a shot.

Myria has joined the forensic team at school. Which is wonderful. I was in part of the forensic team when I was in school. She's gonna be much better than I ever was. The only problem: the first meet is the 20. She has to have five practices before then. That is also the day of her band concert. Busy, busy, busy.

But life is good.

I finished it.

Ok. It needs some revision and fine tuning, but it's done.

I have never written a book proposal before and, in that brutal brand of honesty that I reserve for my own work, it ain't got a snowball's chance in hell of making it past the first read.

But I finished it. A complete story. Beginning, middle, end. It needs a little work on the theme through line and I need to tweak a few scenes -- but that should be done by tonight.

I don't have the feeling of completion I was looking forward to having... But that may change once I really do finish it.

In all honesty, I alternate between thinking that it's pretty good and believing it's total crap.

I hate that. Especially since the more cynical view seems to be the one I think more often.

It will need to be betaed a couple of times--

JennJenn? Can I rely on you to be your usual wonderful beta self? Mean, ornery and hard on problematic commas and messed up tenses?

I am often forced to face that fact that I am not as handy with words as I would like to think. My brain seems to get caught up in act of putting little squiggles of ink on the paper (or electronic impulses on a computer screen) and my thoughts -- which seem so fluid and concise in my brain end up crude and mundane once written down.

I'm never really happy with my work. Although maybe that's not completely true. I am, at first, infatuated with what I write. At first glance it seems to have all the snap and verve that I imagined when I first conceived the idea, but once I go back and read it ends up being lifeless and mundane.

Sometimes I think I work the words to death, revising all the life out of them. Other times I think I don't put enough effort into rooting out the right words that carry with them the connotations that will make my prose sing. Too often, I feel my writing is blocky, lifeless and lumpy compared to well written prose that just zings. The prose that I imagine when I think the thought through. Like a house made of baby blocks sitting next to intricately carved sculptures.

Most of the time, though, I just don't finish it, 'cuz that way I can continue to think that I'm insightful and eloquent rather than having proof otherwise.

I don't suppose it help any that I tend to come at things from a different angle than most. It is hard, I guess, to make intricately carved sculptures when the tools I prefer to work with are blocky and solid.

Still, it would be nice to not continually criticize my own work. I'm a hell of a less nit-picky with other people's work. And the comes a time when being self-deprecating becomes rather than a useful motivational tool.

And it could be that that I use all that as an excuse for me not to do the work that is involved in writing.

Do I not write because I feel that I'm not good enough or do I feel I'm not good enough because I don't write?

Circular logic: It is our friend.

Still, lately, I'm thinking I'm just lazy and I just don't want to work. Of course I cover it all with good reasons not to work. Family, work, household responsibilities, and the ever popular "I work hard and I deserve to just relax".

Need to think on that.

I've been reading a lot of the comments about TTT lately, mostly 'cuz it's interesting to see how differently people interpret the same film and characters. The most amazing thing, to me, is how upset people are over the changes made to adapt the novels to a film format. I'm also astonished on how adamant some people are that things should not be changed for the way they are in the books. I'm also puzzled on how many people claim that they are "Tolkien Purists" and that the books should not be changed, altered or interpreted in any way.

( Tolkien Purism - cut 'cuz it's longish )

I recently heard a wonderful statement attributed to Tolkien (on my wonderful Christmas present, "JRR Tolkien: Master of the Rings" DVD) -- When CS Lewis claimed that myth was made of lies, Tolkien responded that wasn't true. Rather, he said, Myths told something so important that is didn't matter whether it was factually true or not. These books -- and movie -- tell us something so important that is doesn't matter if the details are the same or not, as long as the mythology is true.

I know that I should write more. I always intend to write more.

I intended to write a journal entry telling what a wonderfully normal Thanksgiving I had with my family. But I didn't.

I intended to write a journal entry telling what a wonderful time I had going to see HP with family and friends and Die Another Day with my husband. But I didn't.

I intended to be much further along on my little fantasy story that I've been tossing around in my head. But I'm not.

I intended to write something about my character I have wallowing in a ME RPG here on LJ. But I didn't.

BUT I did manage to write a short piece for the little round robin I joined. Yay, me.

Actually, since this was the first time in over a month I've managed to put words to paper that I didn't immediately disregard as trash, I suppose it could be YAY YAY me. Although I'm not sure such a small effort is so deserving of praise.

But now, since it is 11:30 and I have to be out at my Mom's baking cookies early in the AM, I'm going to go the bed.

Here's hoping that the muse is still with me tomorrow when I sit down to write.