Partly

My mom was telling me of a discussion that she had with a good friend of hers and, as things tend to do with this friend, the conversation drifted into politics, specifically Sarah Palin. And, as also always happens when Sarah Palin is mentioned, the commentary became much more personal than political. The conversation ended with discussion on how Sarah Palin went hunting and killed a caribou. “Anyone who can enjoy killing an animal like that,” said this friend of my mothers, “is a really horrible person.”

At which point my mother – a farmer, hunter and outdoorswoman all her life – looked at her friend and said, “Well, it’s nice to know what you really think of me.”

It hurt my mother, I know, that this friend of hers said that, felt that way. I also know that insulting my mother was not the intention. People get wound up and entitled and say things that can’t be unsaid. There were apologies and changes of conversation, but that realization can’t be removed. It’s always there, that little bit of truth of what people think of you. I know that it lingers in my mom’s mind.

It’s a situation I run into online. People’s journals are private, personal things. I know this. It’s true even if the journal is called a blog and is posted for all the world to see. Because of this, they are full of the overstatement and hyperbole that comes from that freedom of private catharsis. There’s also a tendency for bloggers to assume that those they interact with are just like them. There’s logic behind it “If you like X, Y and Z, as I do, then you must also agree with A, B, and C”.

Most of the time the commentary isn’t even specific, they don’t mean any particular person. They just write in the general “Us v. Them” form: “People who do/think/believe/are WHATEVER are evil”. “People” not a specific individual. No. They would never actually insult a friend of theirs. It’s other “people” who are that way. It’s like that line in Men in Black “A person is smart. People are dumb”. It sounds really good until you realize that every one of those “people” is a person and that the “them” you are talking about may actually be one of the “us”.

The fact is I’m often the “them” on these rants. We don’t even have to get into the big stuff like politics or religion or how organic is the food you eat. Nope. You can throw a dart at fandom and hit an unpopular opinion that I hold.

Usually it’s not a problem. I can skip over posts that are blatantly hostile and have a bit discussion with those who aren’t. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve and I don’t tend to wield my opinions like a sledgehammer (despite what the icon shows). I understand the harshness and exclusivity of such posts may come from the medium rather than the intent of the author. As a rational, logical, thinking person, I can do that. Usually.

But still, sometimes when I read what’s been written, I can’t help think, “So this is what they really think of me”. It’s kind like finding out you’re the enemy when all along you’ve been treated as a friend. And I never know quite what to do with that.

Well, actually not. But I've friended some new people as of late and thought I could do a little "get to know me post". However, since I'm incredibly lazy about such things, I'm really just going to end up linking to posts that let you know about me.

I updated my Bio at my User Profile page not to long ago and I really think that it's the best summary of who I am. So, if you haven't already, start there.

For more detail I did a list of "100 things about me" many years ago. They are still all true, more or less. You can read it in parts one and two.

Things that may help understand my current state of mind.

• I'm currently unemployed. I have been since January 1st. Life is squeezing me very hard, right now. My more recent posts illustrate the frayedness I'm feeling. I'm a positive person, though. So we'll see how it goes.
  
  
• My daughter, Myr, is currently a junior is high school. She is still the coolest person I know. I think teenagers are awesome. She is handling this incredibly stressful time of life really, really well. I don't brag about her enough, and I'm not sure if that is possible. She's an artist, a musician, and a scholar. She is kind, thoughtful and self-aware. I love her more than a little and like her more than a lot.
  
  
• My husband, Wil, is also very cool. We'll be married 21 years this October. He currently works at Sears, which is wonderful. What's not so wonderful is that he is an artist and while he's good at his job, it's not what he'd love to be doing. He sacrifices, though, especially with me being out of a job. Life is tough all over, right? We do alright.
  
  
• I like to fancy myself a writer. Not sure I can do that. I've written more in the past week than I have for months and I'm happy with that.
  
  
• I'd love to find a way to earn money at home. While I'm sure that everyone's dream, bringing in a few extra dollars right now would ease the stress. Yes. The not working thing is eating my brain! I am, however, looking at starting an etsy account. I'm rather crafty, my daughter even more so. We'll see how it goes. I'll let you all know when the account is set up.

That's more than enough useless info about me.

Well, meet my dad circa 1942 or 43. That was right in the swing of WWII and shortly after they had moved to Michigan. Check out the cherry ride in the background.



He's another pic of him a couple years later.



Notice that he graduated to a real gun. Not really a surprise that he becomes a Marine sharpshooter, is it?

Busy Weekend!

I've already had a busy weekend and it's only 1:00 on Saturday!

Myria is a 4-H Ambassador and helps out with the two after school 4-H clubs that we have here in town. She (and the other ambassadors) had this opportunity to take part in a two day After-school conference, the extension had a grant to pay for the registration and room fees. The kicker was that it was going to be held in the Wisconsin Dells at the Wilderness Resort Park Indoor Waterpark. Teenagers + conference + waterpark = YES.

Unfortunately, two weeks after agreeing to go, Myr found out that the District Forensics finals were going to be held on that same Saturday. That meant two of the kids who agreed to do the two-conference couldn't go. Myr was disappointed so I offered to drive down and pick her up bring her back for her meet. Then, because there was money for another registration and because it meant spending time with Myr, my Mom agreed to go along.

So yesterday I got got up early to get Myr and Gran to the van take off point by 6 am then headed to work. I got off at 1:30 and drove the 2 1/4 hour drive down to the Dells, I got there just as the conference itself was ending, so I joined everyone at the "Meet and Greet" at Monks. Gran and Myr won door prizes, we ate a dinner of nachos and mini-hamburgers, then headed to the water park. We ordered pizza at 9:30, and packed up and hit the hay at 10:30.

At 4:30 we got up, packed that car and Myr and I headed home. Gran stayed for todays sessions. Myr slept on the way up, and we got back just in time to buy her breakfast at McDonald's and drop her off at the school for the bus to leave at 8.

I got home at 8:30, talked to Wil, cleaned the kitchen up and still have a whole weekend to go!

ETA: I wrote this at 1:00, but forgot to post it, something that happens more often than I care to admit.

ETA 2: Myr did well and she is going to state! Yay!

considering how bad it could have been.

Last week Monday I got a call from my mom who said I should stop by after work because she needed to "talk" to me. There is nothing in this world as frightening as those words, especially when she adds "don't bring Myria". I managed to finish work and head over there.

The news: The doctor's office called. They needed to see my dad and run some more blood tests because some recent tests indicated cancer, most likely bone cancer. Now, this call was to my dad and filtered through him and he is slightly more reticent than I am when it comes to discussing things, so we were shy on details. However, this much was sure: This wasn't a test to see what could be wrong, it was a test to see how bad it was. One added detail -- this cancer usually struck the young, especially children. Which led me to think of leukemia, because that's the only cancer that I associate primarily with children.

The additional tests and consultation with the doctor was today.

Result: It is leukemia, specifically Adult Chronic Leukemia. However at this stage it is not life threatening. In fact, at this stage it isn't affecting him at all and it is only something that needs to be monitored.

The doctor asked how he was feeling. My dad said he felt fine. His appetite is fine. He isn't in pain. He did say he tired easily, to which the doctor replied "You had a stroke five months ago, you should be tired all the time. This is normal." I don't believe that my dad told the doc that he is also tired after he does things like go out into the forest and cut wood. As my brother said, we are so used to his progress since the stroke that we don't realize how amazing that progress is. In fact, I believe that the only reason the leukemia was caught at all at this stage was because of his stroke. With all the tests that they are doing monitoring that, it would be natural to notice this abnormality.

Anyhow, back to the leukemia. His white blood cell count is slightly elevated but nothing to be concerned about. I do know that prior to his stroke he did have a blood test with an elevated count and they gave him antibiotics thinking that he had a infection of some sort. The next blood test was good and that was it. They are going to run a bunch of tests to create baseline from which to make future comparisons. However, as long as he feels good, they are looking at testing once a year.

As my dad said: when you go in thinking that they could tell you you have until Christmas, its amazing to hear them talk in terms of doing further tests in years.

There's no telling how long he's had this, nor how fast it will progress. It says on the site that Chronic Leukemia can't be cured but it can be controlled and that's what the doctor said too. My folks and my brother (who could go with them to the consultation today) were very impressed with the doctor.

So. My dad is just supposed to go on recovering from the stroke and living his life. If he starts to feel sick, he goes in for a check up. If there is something wrong, they will do something.

Sounds like the way most of us live.

And that, that's okay.

Soon I'm off to chaperon a middle school dance. Why, you may ask, are you voluntarily going to spend three hours with 500 eleven-, twelve- and thirteen-year-olds?

Simple. My daughter asked me.

In an age when most twelve-year-old kids can't wait to ditch their parents, mine wants me to go with her.

So I go. A small thing to make my daughter happy.



Also note:

I'm missing my Firefly tapes. It's all finabair's fault. You better be watching them, JennJenn!

I am evil. And I am foisting my evilness off on others.

My husband is watching the first episode of SG1.

Obviously my (and my daughter's) obsessive obsessing over it has rubbed off.

*glee*

Yep. My work is done.

Oh... I also made an icon for a contest in the sg1_showdown community I belong too. Mind you, I have only seen one ep with Jonas, I just wanted to play around a bit.