partly

The sign-ups for the next Yuletide are open.

I'm still not sure if I want to participate. I don't enjoy most of the fic created from it, even though quite a bit of it is wonderfully written. I often feel like I'm venturing into a foreign country when I drop into Yuletide -- a land of people who look at fic differently, who read and write it for different reasons and purposes, who focus on different aspects of characters, people who almost speak a different language.

The only reason I'm considering joining is because I really liked the story I wrote last year. Some of my best writing, if only because I managed to say what I wanted to in under 1500 words. If I do join, I think I'll do it in order to be challenged to write something outside my usual comfort zone. That, of course, is a drawback right there. I'm completely aware that I don't see shows or characters the same way most fans do and I'm always afraid that they won't be what the requester wanted. For that matter, I'm always uncertain if my requests are the kind that people would enjoy writing.

Yeah, I know it's a lot of introspection over fanfic, but writing--writing anything--does that to me. It's totally beyond me why I want to do something that makes me feel so insecure and completely inadequate.

Yet, I do. I'm sure there is a mental illness that covers that.