partly

I haven't really posted anything in a while (and I don't think Two Tower Icons count) and I'm feeling the push to do something thoughtful and meaningful.

I have a whole notebook full of little snippets of conversation and thoughts that I want to expound upon... but I'm feeling unsure of the whole livejournal thing.

The problem comes in that I'm not sure if I'm writing in it for me... you know a log so that I can go back and check on my thoughts of the day. OR if I'm dropping down thoughts in the hope that it will be read (and appreciated) by others.

BAH!

There is a certain point when lying to yourself becomes pointless. I would like to say that I don't care if anyone reads what I write here. And I have said that. Often. Both to myself and to others.

And I mean it at the time. At least I think I do.

But then why do I keep checking my mail to see if anyone has replied or commented on what I say?

I'm such a liar.

But then again, if I really was interested in other peoples comments, I certainly wouldn't be writing the posts I am. I mean, my posts aren't exactly conducive to comments. My posts are mostly me ranting or contemplating and not very open for a dialog.

So, what does that make me? Someone who wants comments but refuses to post things that would get comments. Of course, half the time I'm reluctant to post something because I may end up upsetting someone who doesn't agree with what I say.

Like I said before. BAH.

This, of course, hasn't helped at all with my desire to do something meaningful and contemplative.

Maybe later.

Yeah. After I get some sleep.