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Saw this review today for Return of the King. The orginal test is here. But I'm putting it all under a cut tag 'cuz I don't want to lose it and I don't always want to go elsewhere to read things.
10.13.03
By Smilin' Jack Ruby
Contributing sources:
David Mamet once wrote for Hill Street Blues. I think he did three episodes or something and I believe they're published in a collection. No offense to the other writers on the show, many of which were brilliant, but one imagines that if there was a staff meeting or something and the writers were trying to crack something and it just wasn't working, then Mamet would walk in like Laurence Olivier on the set of Marathon Man talking to Dustin Hoffman and would solve the problem with a flick of the wrist. When the other writers look up in awe of one of the great living scripters and said, "How...? Wha...?" Mamet would reply with a smirk, "Just write, my dear boys."
That's New Line and the marketing of The Return of the King.
It's been a busy month of good movies. Usually it's December that has the goods, but with negative rumors swirling around pics like Cold Mountain and Peter Pan (though people are loving Last Samurai), October's shaping up pretty nicely with Intolerable Cruelty, Kill Bill, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Mystic River. But then New Line invited the press corps to come in and check out 20 minutes of Return of the King this past Friday at noon - just a taste like they did two years ago when I sat blasted out of my seat next to AICN's Moriarty in the New Line screening room after a mere 10 minutes of FOTR - to remind us that, "my dear boys," we've got the real thing coming atcha.
20 minutes of Return of the King is better than 120 minutes of almost every other feature that's come out this year. No, I'm not saying it's better than the good stuff like Nemo or Bill, but like the joke that was made when Jurassic Park was one of the first Hollywood films allowed to be shown in, I believe, India or some region therein (the joke being the film obliterated the locally-made films at the box office because "there was more entertainment value in the first five minutes of Jurassic Park than the entire history of that country's cinema"), Return of the King just puts everybody else to shame.
You hear that, AMPAS??? We're not going to settle for Best Picture and Best Director. No, we want Best Actor for Gandalf, Best Supporting Actor for...well, shit, who? Viggo? Samwise? Best Special Effects, Best Sound, Best fucking everything. Don't be stingy and make yourselves look bad to history. Just hand over all the goddamn trophies to Lord of the Rings.
Now.
NOW! Don't fuck around on this one. McKellen already got fucked out of one Oscar for Gods and Monsters by the shrieking bitch Pink Panther pretender. Don't let that happen again.
I'm warning you.
So, where were we? Ah, yes. Wandering over to New Line for twenty minutes of Return of the King. As I was sidling up the street, I ran into beaks from AICN and we chatted briefly before heading on in. David Poland from Movie City News was there (a reunion, of sorts, of our TCM roundtable room) and Andy Jones showed up wearing a red t-shirt advertising Canada. A number of other press people appeared and the reel started.
Um...I hadn't seen the full trailer. Not on the big screen, not on my computer (I hate downloading trailers), nowhere. That trailer alone knocked me out. What the hell? The movie is just going to nuke all other comers off the planet. Piece of cake.
Next up, we saw five scenes. They were all right around three or four minutes long (I'd estimate) and don't give away too much, so they felt a bit like the approved EPK sequences that you'll see excerpted from everywhere from Entertainment Tonight to Conan when the cast makes an appearance.
And sweet day in the morning they look bad-ass.
#1. Frodo vs. Samwise vs. Gollum
The first one showed the scene that's in the trailer a bit - the one where Smeagol and Gollum debate about killing the Hobbits and getting the ring back for "me"/"us." Samwise stumbles across this, appearing in a reflection of the water. He attacks Gollum, but Frodo defends him. As they walk away, Gollum smiles a hideous smile Samwise's way and you feel they're in for further trouble.
Of course, Gollum looks good. Now that Two Towers has come and gone, we're used to what they've got going on with him and he's far better than any CG stuntman. Like in Two Towers, the inspired back and forth between the two halves of Gollum is right there and more diabolical than the "They don't love you!" of the previous film as it looks like Gollum may well take over the "good" part of what's left of Smeagol. It looks like they're setting up the ending quite well. Gollum mentions how he plans to dispatch of the Hobbits, saying that "she's always hungry" in reference to, well, read the fucking books.
#2. Frodo vs. the Spider
Or, don't read the books. We've seen a lot of CG spiders in the past couple of years, from the one that's bent on eating the Staples Center in Gary Jones' Spiders (still, one of my faves), the crazy nasty ones in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and then the multitudes trying to end David Arquette's lifestyle in Eight Legged Freaks.
None of them come close to the one in Return of the King.
As a rule, I don't like CG. I don't like the Star Wars prequels because of the over-use of CG and unless I can't tell the difference - like with AMEE in Red Planet a lot of the time - I just get taken right out of the story by CG stuntmen, such as Peter Parker leaping from building to building in Spider-Man and Neo going CG in the burly brawl part of Reloaded. Now, this spider - albeit, it's a dark sequence - was scary. It moved like a spider that is half-chasing, half-toying with its prey and has the creepy quickness that makes spiders scary to people in the real world.
The scene began with Frodo being asleep in a web and waking up. He knows he's screwed and he busts out a crystal container that - we're reminded of in voiceover - that was given to him by Galadriel (yes, if I was one of TheOneRing.net guys or former CHUDDITE Joram Manka, I could give you the proper names and cite page numbers in the books, but I ain't) to use in his darkest moments. When the big, bad spider comes around the corner intent on making Frodo its lunch, Frodo activates the thing, it glows blue and seems to fend off the spider the way a cross or garlic momentarily frustrates a vampire. But the spider keeps coming. And it's scary. Cool sequence and no, we didn't really see the end of it.
#3. Faramir vs. The Orcs
Wow. This was my favorite sequence. It's a lengthy one, actually, and starts with Feramir talking to his father in a great hall at Gondor (I think it's Gondor). Papa-san obviously feels that Faramir isn't half the warrior that his brother, the fallen Boromir was and treats his son like crap for failing to stop the orc armies. With frustrated tears in his eyes, Feramir asks his father to "think better of him" when he returns and his father can't even accept that.
Faramir heads out with his men to charge upon the orc army that is hanging out in the ruins of the city across the future field of battle from Gondor. Inside the great hall - at the same time - Faramir's father continues to eat a sloppy meal of meat and fruits, popping a tomato in his mouth and slobbering out half of it as his son rides to his doom. He turns and, looking at him like a slave, asks Pippin - who ended up there for some reason - to sing him a song. Pippin, feeling the weight of the situation, doesn't feel much like singing, but finally does so anyway, calling forth a tragic sounding dirge that's intercut with Faramir's attack on the orcs. As the riders near the ruins, we see first a handful of orcs rise up with their bows and arrows...
...but as they get closer, that "few" turns into dozens which turn into hundreds. Slowly, we realize that it's obviously a suicide mission and always has been, a charging of the cannons in the style of Glory. We watch as the orcs ready their arrows as Merry continues his sad song. As the arrows fly, Pippin seems to feel the pain of loss while the tomato-eater merely continues gorging himself. Bitch.
#4. Elrond vs. Aragorn
This scene is excerpted a bit in the trailer as well as it's a night before battle and Aragorn comes into a tent only to find a cloaked figure in black waiting for him. It turns out to be Elrond who presents him with the sword of his forefather, the one who was actually able to use it to vanquish Sauron. We saw the shattered pieces of it in Fellowship, lying in the city of the elves in front of that big mural showing its use against the big bad evil fellow with all the rings (some day, I swear I'll have all these names memorized).
Anyway, it's been re-forged and Elrond gives it to a skeptical Aragorn. Like any good movie king, Aragorn is a bit wary of the responsibilities of supreme rule. But, he takes up the sword regardless - convinced by Elrond (who tells him the bad news - seems the orcs aren't only where Aragorn think they are, but are actually surrounding them at the same time, coming up by the river to flank 'em) - and we realize that the whole "Return of the King" title really does count for something.
#5. Eowyn vs. Theoden
This was an interesting talky scene like the one I mentioned just before (no, I don't think I'm writing these up in the order they were shown). Eowyn, looking depressed as hell, basically gets a lecture from Theoden saying that, yep, he's probably going to die the next day on the battlefield, but that his one hope in all of this is that he hopes she will find the day when she will "smile again." It's a sweet, intimate little scene that I'm sure, well, some chicks'll like. I could've used the giant spider coming up the cliff and eating them, but that's just me.
Oh, I shouldn't say that. It was a fine scene, but with so much crazy battle stuff to show, I was in the mood for what came next...
#6. Rohan vs. The Orcs
This is another scene that you see in the trailer. Gondor (assuming it is Gondor) is under siege by the orc army and looks pretty bad. Up on the hill not far away, we see the Rohan army with a couple of familiar faces including Pippin under a helmet, Eomer and, yep, Eowyn riding with Merry. Theoden gives a rousing speech about the danger they're about to face, but then rides up and down the line, bopping his sword against the tips of the many lances in a salute of sorts before leading the charge down the hill to the orcs.
Cut to black. ARGH!
It's a hell of a rousing speech and really gets you ready for "whatever" comes next. The "massive" CG bit for the wide shot shows you that, yep, there are lots of these riders and it's going to be an ass-kicking in the making (when they start riding, it's pretty cool). I can't wait.
And that's what they showed us. It's a tease, sure, but a nice reminder that, guess what? The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King is on its way - December 17th (yeah, I'm going to the Archlight on the 16th to see ALL THREE - that's the way God intended it to be and I'm SO there). It will kick ass, it'll win Peter Jackson the Best Director trophy and Best Picture for the film. And hopefully, everything else as well. We live in bad ass times to get to see these roll out like.
I just would love to see the promo.
Although I have to admit that I'm seeing the movies more for the "chick" bits than for the fights. What I love best of about the Lord of the Rings is that Peter Jackson has managed to make an "action movie" that has plot, characterization, themes (beyond the "kill them all and let God sort them out" theme that most action flicks have), motifs and true human emotions. Granted all that was in the book so Tolkien needs to be given the credit for creating it but Jackson kept it in and, in some cases, pumped it up and made it obvious to the general audiance (just look at Boromir).
10.13.03
By Smilin' Jack Ruby
Contributing sources:
David Mamet once wrote for Hill Street Blues. I think he did three episodes or something and I believe they're published in a collection. No offense to the other writers on the show, many of which were brilliant, but one imagines that if there was a staff meeting or something and the writers were trying to crack something and it just wasn't working, then Mamet would walk in like Laurence Olivier on the set of Marathon Man talking to Dustin Hoffman and would solve the problem with a flick of the wrist. When the other writers look up in awe of one of the great living scripters and said, "How...? Wha...?" Mamet would reply with a smirk, "Just write, my dear boys."
That's New Line and the marketing of The Return of the King.
It's been a busy month of good movies. Usually it's December that has the goods, but with negative rumors swirling around pics like Cold Mountain and Peter Pan (though people are loving Last Samurai), October's shaping up pretty nicely with Intolerable Cruelty, Kill Bill, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Mystic River. But then New Line invited the press corps to come in and check out 20 minutes of Return of the King this past Friday at noon - just a taste like they did two years ago when I sat blasted out of my seat next to AICN's Moriarty in the New Line screening room after a mere 10 minutes of FOTR - to remind us that, "my dear boys," we've got the real thing coming atcha.
20 minutes of Return of the King is better than 120 minutes of almost every other feature that's come out this year. No, I'm not saying it's better than the good stuff like Nemo or Bill, but like the joke that was made when Jurassic Park was one of the first Hollywood films allowed to be shown in, I believe, India or some region therein (the joke being the film obliterated the locally-made films at the box office because "there was more entertainment value in the first five minutes of Jurassic Park than the entire history of that country's cinema"), Return of the King just puts everybody else to shame.
You hear that, AMPAS??? We're not going to settle for Best Picture and Best Director. No, we want Best Actor for Gandalf, Best Supporting Actor for...well, shit, who? Viggo? Samwise? Best Special Effects, Best Sound, Best fucking everything. Don't be stingy and make yourselves look bad to history. Just hand over all the goddamn trophies to Lord of the Rings.
Now.
NOW! Don't fuck around on this one. McKellen already got fucked out of one Oscar for Gods and Monsters by the shrieking bitch Pink Panther pretender. Don't let that happen again.
I'm warning you.
So, where were we? Ah, yes. Wandering over to New Line for twenty minutes of Return of the King. As I was sidling up the street, I ran into beaks from AICN and we chatted briefly before heading on in. David Poland from Movie City News was there (a reunion, of sorts, of our TCM roundtable room) and Andy Jones showed up wearing a red t-shirt advertising Canada. A number of other press people appeared and the reel started.
Um...I hadn't seen the full trailer. Not on the big screen, not on my computer (I hate downloading trailers), nowhere. That trailer alone knocked me out. What the hell? The movie is just going to nuke all other comers off the planet. Piece of cake.
Next up, we saw five scenes. They were all right around three or four minutes long (I'd estimate) and don't give away too much, so they felt a bit like the approved EPK sequences that you'll see excerpted from everywhere from Entertainment Tonight to Conan when the cast makes an appearance.
And sweet day in the morning they look bad-ass.
#1. Frodo vs. Samwise vs. Gollum
The first one showed the scene that's in the trailer a bit - the one where Smeagol and Gollum debate about killing the Hobbits and getting the ring back for "me"/"us." Samwise stumbles across this, appearing in a reflection of the water. He attacks Gollum, but Frodo defends him. As they walk away, Gollum smiles a hideous smile Samwise's way and you feel they're in for further trouble.
Of course, Gollum looks good. Now that Two Towers has come and gone, we're used to what they've got going on with him and he's far better than any CG stuntman. Like in Two Towers, the inspired back and forth between the two halves of Gollum is right there and more diabolical than the "They don't love you!" of the previous film as it looks like Gollum may well take over the "good" part of what's left of Smeagol. It looks like they're setting up the ending quite well. Gollum mentions how he plans to dispatch of the Hobbits, saying that "she's always hungry" in reference to, well, read the fucking books.
#2. Frodo vs. the Spider
Or, don't read the books. We've seen a lot of CG spiders in the past couple of years, from the one that's bent on eating the Staples Center in Gary Jones' Spiders (still, one of my faves), the crazy nasty ones in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and then the multitudes trying to end David Arquette's lifestyle in Eight Legged Freaks.
None of them come close to the one in Return of the King.
As a rule, I don't like CG. I don't like the Star Wars prequels because of the over-use of CG and unless I can't tell the difference - like with AMEE in Red Planet a lot of the time - I just get taken right out of the story by CG stuntmen, such as Peter Parker leaping from building to building in Spider-Man and Neo going CG in the burly brawl part of Reloaded. Now, this spider - albeit, it's a dark sequence - was scary. It moved like a spider that is half-chasing, half-toying with its prey and has the creepy quickness that makes spiders scary to people in the real world.
The scene began with Frodo being asleep in a web and waking up. He knows he's screwed and he busts out a crystal container that - we're reminded of in voiceover - that was given to him by Galadriel (yes, if I was one of TheOneRing.net guys or former CHUDDITE Joram Manka, I could give you the proper names and cite page numbers in the books, but I ain't) to use in his darkest moments. When the big, bad spider comes around the corner intent on making Frodo its lunch, Frodo activates the thing, it glows blue and seems to fend off the spider the way a cross or garlic momentarily frustrates a vampire. But the spider keeps coming. And it's scary. Cool sequence and no, we didn't really see the end of it.
#3. Faramir vs. The Orcs
Wow. This was my favorite sequence. It's a lengthy one, actually, and starts with Feramir talking to his father in a great hall at Gondor (I think it's Gondor). Papa-san obviously feels that Faramir isn't half the warrior that his brother, the fallen Boromir was and treats his son like crap for failing to stop the orc armies. With frustrated tears in his eyes, Feramir asks his father to "think better of him" when he returns and his father can't even accept that.
Faramir heads out with his men to charge upon the orc army that is hanging out in the ruins of the city across the future field of battle from Gondor. Inside the great hall - at the same time - Faramir's father continues to eat a sloppy meal of meat and fruits, popping a tomato in his mouth and slobbering out half of it as his son rides to his doom. He turns and, looking at him like a slave, asks Pippin - who ended up there for some reason - to sing him a song. Pippin, feeling the weight of the situation, doesn't feel much like singing, but finally does so anyway, calling forth a tragic sounding dirge that's intercut with Faramir's attack on the orcs. As the riders near the ruins, we see first a handful of orcs rise up with their bows and arrows...
...but as they get closer, that "few" turns into dozens which turn into hundreds. Slowly, we realize that it's obviously a suicide mission and always has been, a charging of the cannons in the style of Glory. We watch as the orcs ready their arrows as Merry continues his sad song. As the arrows fly, Pippin seems to feel the pain of loss while the tomato-eater merely continues gorging himself. Bitch.
#4. Elrond vs. Aragorn
This scene is excerpted a bit in the trailer as well as it's a night before battle and Aragorn comes into a tent only to find a cloaked figure in black waiting for him. It turns out to be Elrond who presents him with the sword of his forefather, the one who was actually able to use it to vanquish Sauron. We saw the shattered pieces of it in Fellowship, lying in the city of the elves in front of that big mural showing its use against the big bad evil fellow with all the rings (some day, I swear I'll have all these names memorized).
Anyway, it's been re-forged and Elrond gives it to a skeptical Aragorn. Like any good movie king, Aragorn is a bit wary of the responsibilities of supreme rule. But, he takes up the sword regardless - convinced by Elrond (who tells him the bad news - seems the orcs aren't only where Aragorn think they are, but are actually surrounding them at the same time, coming up by the river to flank 'em) - and we realize that the whole "Return of the King" title really does count for something.
#5. Eowyn vs. Theoden
This was an interesting talky scene like the one I mentioned just before (no, I don't think I'm writing these up in the order they were shown). Eowyn, looking depressed as hell, basically gets a lecture from Theoden saying that, yep, he's probably going to die the next day on the battlefield, but that his one hope in all of this is that he hopes she will find the day when she will "smile again." It's a sweet, intimate little scene that I'm sure, well, some chicks'll like. I could've used the giant spider coming up the cliff and eating them, but that's just me.
Oh, I shouldn't say that. It was a fine scene, but with so much crazy battle stuff to show, I was in the mood for what came next...
#6. Rohan vs. The Orcs
This is another scene that you see in the trailer. Gondor (assuming it is Gondor) is under siege by the orc army and looks pretty bad. Up on the hill not far away, we see the Rohan army with a couple of familiar faces including Pippin under a helmet, Eomer and, yep, Eowyn riding with Merry. Theoden gives a rousing speech about the danger they're about to face, but then rides up and down the line, bopping his sword against the tips of the many lances in a salute of sorts before leading the charge down the hill to the orcs.
Cut to black. ARGH!
It's a hell of a rousing speech and really gets you ready for "whatever" comes next. The "massive" CG bit for the wide shot shows you that, yep, there are lots of these riders and it's going to be an ass-kicking in the making (when they start riding, it's pretty cool). I can't wait.
And that's what they showed us. It's a tease, sure, but a nice reminder that, guess what? The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King is on its way - December 17th (yeah, I'm going to the Archlight on the 16th to see ALL THREE - that's the way God intended it to be and I'm SO there). It will kick ass, it'll win Peter Jackson the Best Director trophy and Best Picture for the film. And hopefully, everything else as well. We live in bad ass times to get to see these roll out like.
I just would love to see the promo.
Although I have to admit that I'm seeing the movies more for the "chick" bits than for the fights. What I love best of about the Lord of the Rings is that Peter Jackson has managed to make an "action movie" that has plot, characterization, themes (beyond the "kill them all and let God sort them out" theme that most action flicks have), motifs and true human emotions. Granted all that was in the book so Tolkien needs to be given the credit for creating it but Jackson kept it in and, in some cases, pumped it up and made it obvious to the general audiance (just look at Boromir).
