Damn it

[partly]

Just once, I'd like to have someone on the same track as I am.

I like to have things laid out in my mind, the reasons for and against, the options and the drawbacks. I like to make decisions only once I think I've got a handle on things, once I have solid reasons for doing things. I'm a private person, I know that. I don't ask opinions or share things very often. Still there are times when it's good to share, to get input from others. The world is full of stories of people who have soul mates who have an uncanny ability to know and understand them. Family and friends who always say the right thing and help make hard decisions easier.

Yeah, right.

No matter which way I choose to go, everyone has reasons for me to go the other. People are wonderfully supportive of me... just supportive of me doing the exact opposite of what I just decided. I say hot, and they say cold. I think high is great and everyone is choosing low. I want to go west and everyone is singing the praises of east.

I think "that might work" and while people agree it's possible, they agree more that it the drawbacks aren't worth it. Just when I decide "too many drawbacks", everyone is rallying around with reasons to go for it and ways to get past the drawbacks. Why are my decisions wrong only after I've made them, but not when I'm considering them?

It's like I'm living in a slightly different dimension... all the circumstances are the same, the same logic applies, cause and effect are still working, only I'm turned 180 degrees from everyone else.

There are times when it really sucks.

Comments

[donnickcottage.livejournal.com]

I might be on the same track, but the problem with a truly private railroad is, there's no way to tell. You may just be speaking to the wrong people... or as many of us do, you may be sabatoging yourself by asking for opinions while making obvious what it is you want to hear... the exact opposite of what you think... to prove how little it matters that you think before you leap.

[partly.livejournal.com]

or as many of us do, you may be sabatoging yourself by asking for opinions while making obvious what it is you want to hear... the exact opposite of what you think

With several hours perspective, this is a large part of my problem. Plus, I have ever helpful, optimistic and supportive friends and family -- which means when I list the reasons against, they ever-so-helpfully come up with work arounds and alternatives, when what I really want is a definitive "You're right, forget about it".

A major part of the problems of the day I brought on myself, by not firmly stating what I want right up front. I'm looking for outside reasons to support my desires... and there really aren't any. There's what I want, what would be "best" and what's out there and they are rather different. I get pissy when I have to settle and today was a day of settling. On many different fronts.

Thanks for lending an ear... eye? As much as I think I should change, I really am a private railroad, so it shouldn't surprise me that I'm always on my own track. I suppose it's hard for others to really help me when I can't get around to telling people what I really want.

As ridiculously vague as I am about my problems, you always manage to come up with something that helps me. I appreciate that.