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2007 could best be know as my "Year of No Writing". I didn't write anything last year. As in.... zip. Nada. Nothing. I'd be hard pressed to come up with more than 1000 words of fic -- be it original or fanfic. As of late, I write so seldom on LJ that I’m not sure that I can even consider myself as writing anything, in any form.
I've been giving serious thought, these past several months, to giving up on writing. As in, giving up on the idea that I should write and just spend my creative time doing something else.
And it's not really a question of enjoyment, really. Writing has never been "easy" for me. I fight over the words I use, I obsess over nuances of character and, as one writing professor told me, I plot like a 19th century novelist. Still, I enjoy doing it; the same way I enjoy any hard work that produces a solid result.
In many ways, my problem is a philosophical one. Right now, I'm not sure if I write anything that people want to read. Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking for justification, here. I understand that one has to write, first and foremost, for oneself. I, quite honestly, have always written things that I enjoy, with concepts and ideas and characters that I find interesting and intriguing.
But for me to put in the work to produce a result that I offer up for other people to read – rather than just entertain myself – then I would like to know that there is an audience for that.
I know that, for example, I don't write the style of fanfic that people read. I'm plot heavy, canon accurate, relationship light and I shy away from "adult" fic. I also tend to envision characters differently than others see them. That's not to say that I don't write well, because I think I do. I just don't write fanfic that people are interested in reading.
And I can live with that. It is after all, fanfic. The whole point of fanfic is to read things that reinforce your view of the characters and I've made peace with the fact that I view the fanfic world differently than most of fandom.
The problem is, I'm beginning to feel I have the same problem with original fic. The stories I want to tell, the characters that I want to bring to life don't seem to have a place in the world of readers. Everyone who reads my stuff tell me I write well. They praise the characters and seem genuinely interested in the plot. But they don't read more.
Perhaps I am too 19th century in my plotting. I'm not streamlined enough. I lose readers in the "telling" of the story. Perhaps they are just humoring me and I really don't write well enough to keep their interest. I know that my "voice" is different. I transpose words and phrases in ways that aren't normal. Perhaps that makes it too hard for people to read.
Maybe it's not a "style" thing at all and it's that I write about things that people aren't interested in. Perhaps my view of the "real" world is as out of touch as my view of the "fanfic" world is.
That's not something I plan on changing, mind. I write what I know, see and feel. I can't do anything else.
I'm just left with the question of what is it worth to me? Writing, as I said, is a great deal of work. Spending all the effort just to entertain myself seems selfish. Part of it is that I get enjoyment out of spending time with family and friends, working on craft projects or reading. Many of those things I can share with the people around me. If I thought my writing would be about something more than just self-gratification, if there was a possibility of something more, a sharing of my effort with others… that would be different. But I don't see that right now.
I'm not posting this as an accusation or a plea for readers or a demand for praise. I'm just trying to sort things through. I know that I have people who support me and I know that, for many, the reason that they haven't read more of what I have written is that I haven't made it available or I haven't asked. I'm not looking to place fault.
It's kind of a catch-22, I'm aware. "I would write more if people would read it but people will read it if I would write more."
*sigh*
While my drive to write isn't strong enough, it seems, to make me write despite my doubts, I still can't reconcile myself to the idea of not writing at all. All I know is that I can't keep going at it the way I have been.
Which brings me to the point of this post: a general statement of intent.
I am going to make 2008 the Year of Writing. I'm making that statement in a post to give it a little more weight, I suppose. It's less easy to ignore a public pledge. Before I can give up on the idea of writing, I should actually complete something and see if it can find an audience. See if I can actually finish something, rather than doing what I have been.
I'm not sure how I'm going to do this, but I need to try.
I've been giving serious thought, these past several months, to giving up on writing. As in, giving up on the idea that I should write and just spend my creative time doing something else.
And it's not really a question of enjoyment, really. Writing has never been "easy" for me. I fight over the words I use, I obsess over nuances of character and, as one writing professor told me, I plot like a 19th century novelist. Still, I enjoy doing it; the same way I enjoy any hard work that produces a solid result.
In many ways, my problem is a philosophical one. Right now, I'm not sure if I write anything that people want to read. Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking for justification, here. I understand that one has to write, first and foremost, for oneself. I, quite honestly, have always written things that I enjoy, with concepts and ideas and characters that I find interesting and intriguing.
But for me to put in the work to produce a result that I offer up for other people to read – rather than just entertain myself – then I would like to know that there is an audience for that.
I know that, for example, I don't write the style of fanfic that people read. I'm plot heavy, canon accurate, relationship light and I shy away from "adult" fic. I also tend to envision characters differently than others see them. That's not to say that I don't write well, because I think I do. I just don't write fanfic that people are interested in reading.
And I can live with that. It is after all, fanfic. The whole point of fanfic is to read things that reinforce your view of the characters and I've made peace with the fact that I view the fanfic world differently than most of fandom.
The problem is, I'm beginning to feel I have the same problem with original fic. The stories I want to tell, the characters that I want to bring to life don't seem to have a place in the world of readers. Everyone who reads my stuff tell me I write well. They praise the characters and seem genuinely interested in the plot. But they don't read more.
Perhaps I am too 19th century in my plotting. I'm not streamlined enough. I lose readers in the "telling" of the story. Perhaps they are just humoring me and I really don't write well enough to keep their interest. I know that my "voice" is different. I transpose words and phrases in ways that aren't normal. Perhaps that makes it too hard for people to read.
Maybe it's not a "style" thing at all and it's that I write about things that people aren't interested in. Perhaps my view of the "real" world is as out of touch as my view of the "fanfic" world is.
That's not something I plan on changing, mind. I write what I know, see and feel. I can't do anything else.
I'm just left with the question of what is it worth to me? Writing, as I said, is a great deal of work. Spending all the effort just to entertain myself seems selfish. Part of it is that I get enjoyment out of spending time with family and friends, working on craft projects or reading. Many of those things I can share with the people around me. If I thought my writing would be about something more than just self-gratification, if there was a possibility of something more, a sharing of my effort with others… that would be different. But I don't see that right now.
I'm not posting this as an accusation or a plea for readers or a demand for praise. I'm just trying to sort things through. I know that I have people who support me and I know that, for many, the reason that they haven't read more of what I have written is that I haven't made it available or I haven't asked. I'm not looking to place fault.
It's kind of a catch-22, I'm aware. "I would write more if people would read it but people will read it if I would write more."
*sigh*
While my drive to write isn't strong enough, it seems, to make me write despite my doubts, I still can't reconcile myself to the idea of not writing at all. All I know is that I can't keep going at it the way I have been.
Which brings me to the point of this post: a general statement of intent.
I am going to make 2008 the Year of Writing. I'm making that statement in a post to give it a little more weight, I suppose. It's less easy to ignore a public pledge. Before I can give up on the idea of writing, I should actually complete something and see if it can find an audience. See if I can actually finish something, rather than doing what I have been.
I'm not sure how I'm going to do this, but I need to try.
