Random thoughs after ten...

[partly]

I haven't really posted anything in a while (and I don't think Two Tower Icons count) and I'm feeling the push to do something thoughtful and meaningful.

I have a whole notebook full of little snippets of conversation and thoughts that I want to expound upon... but I'm feeling unsure of the whole livejournal thing.

The problem comes in that I'm not sure if I'm writing in it for me... you know a log so that I can go back and check on my thoughts of the day. OR if I'm dropping down thoughts in the hope that it will be read (and appreciated) by others.

BAH!

There is a certain point when lying to yourself becomes pointless. I would like to say that I don't care if anyone reads what I write here. And I have said that. Often. Both to myself and to others.

And I mean it at the time. At least I think I do.

But then why do I keep checking my mail to see if anyone has replied or commented on what I say?

I'm such a liar.

But then again, if I really was interested in other peoples comments, I certainly wouldn't be writing the posts I am. I mean, my posts aren't exactly conducive to comments. My posts are mostly me ranting or contemplating and not very open for a dialog.

So, what does that make me? Someone who wants comments but refuses to post things that would get comments. Of course, half the time I'm reluctant to post something because I may end up upsetting someone who doesn't agree with what I say.

Like I said before. BAH.

This, of course, hasn't helped at all with my desire to do something meaningful and contemplative.

Maybe later.

Yeah. After I get some sleep.

Comments

[finabair.livejournal.com]

I *LOVE* syncopated clock. 'cuz of the ticking.

We all hope for stimulating conversation. At least, sometimes we do. And we hope for contact, discovery, stuff like that. If anyone else can see an entry of yours, it's natural to wonder what they think of it...and what ideas they've got.

If all you want to do is record your thoughts for yourself, put the "private" lock on. I've got *lots* of entries nobody can see. But there's nothing wrong with wanting contact, too.

[powerpynt.livejournal.com]

I'm watchin' if it matters. Entertain me:)

[partly.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, to tell the truth, I never record -- permanently -- anything that is truly private. I live in a paranoid worldview that you should never write down anything that you really don't want other people to see.

I also live by the rule never read anyone else's private material because you may find out something that you don't want to know.

I suppose it's the fact that I've broken the second rule that makes me so much more adamant about the first rule.

My private posts are private only because they happen to be bits of story that I'm working on right now and I want to be able to access them on different computers. And actually, there's only one of those.

Of course, you know how reluctant I am to "share" even in person. Besides, putting it in writing would make it permanent. There are very few of those fleeting "private" thoughts that I have a desire to make permanent.

The above was just a momentary bout of insecurity. Something everyone gets. Also its little posted reminder to keep me from thinking that I'm above that petty little desire to be "popular". I recognize it most in that obnoxious need that has me check my "friend of" list every so often to see who has me listed. It's a carry over from real life when you get that little pang because you realize that others have more contacts and friends and things to do. You know, where they "invite twenty of their closest friends" and you realize that you may be hard pressed to invite twenty friends at all...

It's only momentary, tho. Once I come to my senses and realize that I'm living my life exactly how I want to live it. Not many people can say that, even those with twenty "closest" friends.

[partly.livejournal.com]

Not sure how entertaining I am. Well, maybe a little. :-) If your watching maybe I'll post a bit of my writing.

Now your icon is very entertaining...