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One thing that I would like to do is post more here. Sounds easy, don't it? Just sit down and type then hit submit. Only it's not that easy.
I'm not prone to melancholy very often but when I am I tend to think about posting, but don't. I am a very... private (for lack of better word) person. I'm not the type to share my "feelings" with people and I would be the last person to go to anyone to "talk it out". I totally nonplussed a therapist one time by saying that I don't talk out my feelings/problems/emotions with anyone and that I would never consider doing so for any reason. Don't get me wrong. I totally understand that a great many people are helped by sharing and, on some levels, I am envious of that. It's just not in my make up to do so.
It's odd, really. I hold myself to a totally different standard than I hold anyone else. I mean, when I read rants and ramblings I never see an ulterior motive behind what is written. I don't see them looking for sympathy or pity, I don't see people look for others to solve there problems. I don't see passive aggressive subterfuge in everything written.
Well, I don't as long as someone else has written them.
If I write them, I see how it all could be read as possible manipulations and plays for sympathy. Then I begin to wonder whether I'm actually writing it for those reasons. Am I really writing it because sharing will make me feel better or am I looking for a bunch of people to quick write in and tell me all the things I want to hear. I see everything as whining when I really should just do something about it.
Over analyze much?
Yeah, yeah, I know. I could just write it down and keep it on the computer. Or print it out and burn it. Or post it to the LJ as private. But that's not really sharing is it? I might as well keep it all in my head the just think about it then.
I would like to be the type of person who can share things with the world at large. The problem I have with sharing is that I actually do have to share.
I'm not prone to melancholy very often but when I am I tend to think about posting, but don't. I am a very... private (for lack of better word) person. I'm not the type to share my "feelings" with people and I would be the last person to go to anyone to "talk it out". I totally nonplussed a therapist one time by saying that I don't talk out my feelings/problems/emotions with anyone and that I would never consider doing so for any reason. Don't get me wrong. I totally understand that a great many people are helped by sharing and, on some levels, I am envious of that. It's just not in my make up to do so.
It's odd, really. I hold myself to a totally different standard than I hold anyone else. I mean, when I read rants and ramblings I never see an ulterior motive behind what is written. I don't see them looking for sympathy or pity, I don't see people look for others to solve there problems. I don't see passive aggressive subterfuge in everything written.
Well, I don't as long as someone else has written them.
If I write them, I see how it all could be read as possible manipulations and plays for sympathy. Then I begin to wonder whether I'm actually writing it for those reasons. Am I really writing it because sharing will make me feel better or am I looking for a bunch of people to quick write in and tell me all the things I want to hear. I see everything as whining when I really should just do something about it.
Over analyze much?
Yeah, yeah, I know. I could just write it down and keep it on the computer. Or print it out and burn it. Or post it to the LJ as private. But that's not really sharing is it? I might as well keep it all in my head the just think about it then.
I would like to be the type of person who can share things with the world at large. The problem I have with sharing is that I actually do have to share.
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Date: 2003-10-18 09:00 pm (UTC)From: