Unplugging

[partly]

Several years ago I owned an old microwave oven. One day, I went to toss in some hamburger to defrost and instead of asking how long I wanted to defrost it, it asked for a "probe temperature". Well, this microwave didn't have any option for a probe and no matter what buttons I pushed, it kept asking for the "probe temperature".

So I finally called an electronics shop and they said that the "microwave is confused" and that I needed to unplug it completely and let it rest for a while and it would be fine. And it was.

Since that time I have used that advice "Unplug it completely and let it rest for a while" to solve a lot of problems: computers that don't work, VCRs that don't want to give up their tapes and DVD players that are problematic. It seems that when things are plugged in all the time, they occasionally overload and need to unplug in order to work properly again.

It's a good thing to keep in mind, not just about electronics but about myself as well.

For the moment I wake up in the morning, I'm plugged in. I check my email, turn on the news, read the morning papers and check in on the blogs I'm reading on line. I go over the plans of the day with my husband and daughter, I mentally run through my to do list and double check the calendar to make sure that I'm prepared for what's ahead. Then I'm off to work where I deal with 10 different grades (PreK through 8th). I'm always plugged in there, too. Plugged into the atmosphere of the school, the nuances of child dynamics, the ebb and flow of the energy in a school day. I also have the computer on, keeping up on the thing I need to know if I'm going to be teaching all those different grades everything they need to know in order to be "computer literate". When I get home, it's back to how I started the morning.

My intentions are always good: do some writing, post to my journal, comment on the wonderful things that I read. Only, I end up going in circles, distracted by the pretty colors and interesting stories. "Oh well, I think, I'll just read and comment later." It's just that later, I'm running in the the same circles that I was when I first thought that. Sure, it was an interesting article, a fine and moving journal entry, a thought provoking statement. But there is always another article, entry and statement. All equally deserving of comment and consideration.

My own thoughts are trapped in others, reactions to what others have said, rebuttals or echoes of other people's words. Until I'm not sure if I have anything good or interesting to say or add.

There are times I need to remember that I, too, need to "unplug and rest for a while". Pull back. Gain perspective. Break the circle of constant noise and focus on what I really think rather than just react to what others are thinking.

A hell of a lot easier said than done, mind you. But all in all better than going through life asking for "probe temperature".

Comments

[donnickcottage.livejournal.com]

I have to admit as a person to whom words come easy I can't empathise, but I'd add that I'm not tied into anything at present that absorbs my life energy as yours is absorbed. I understand certainly and perhaps we are just apples and oranges.

I have a friend who has over the years lessened our relationship until it's nearly non existant, because he insists in his mind that to keep in touch with me means spending unlimited time; time taken from his obligations and if not there, from his family.

We all know the reality, that it takes less than 5 minutes to contact and say, just thought of you-that is all. Yet he rarely so much as answers an email within 3 weeks of it's sending because he's trained himself in the lie that an answer requires heavy thought, perfect penmanship and a long, involved complete rendering of his current history, an amusing anecdote and the answer to my query...rather than just hit reply and say, "busy now, great to see a note, soon as I can I'll get back".

Yet what was once a serious, loving, maintained, brotherly construct is now a reticent, pained, nearly obligatory aquaintanceship driven by the idea that if you can't do it "right" then don't do it at all until you can.

I'd long ago have asked for no more than an ocassional :), but even that would have seemed an obnoxious requirement for an unneccesary return. Everything I am can be found in greater quantity elsewhere, I have no standing to ask for anything; only to go my merry way if that's my choice.

You're right of course, there's always another blog/day/friend/obligation/recourse/interest to replace those that pass on, there is never a lack of choices to make and most often it's just easier to let the choices make us instead.

I hope you find a balance someday wherein your time is your own and not pulling you down the street like a leashed yet unruly great dane on a kibbles and bits quest. In the meantime, anyone who would argue with your priorities would be a fool; only you know how to live your life, and you should do it on your schedule, at your pleasure, and without a second thought.

Nice metaphor btw.
Cya round

[partly.livejournal.com]

So many things of what you said are true to me. I am certainly the person who thinks if you can't do it "right" then don't do it at all until you can and then I so often never answer.

It's not I problem I face in real life, generally. I'm never at a loss for words and I'll chat up anyone for any reason on any topic.

Lately, however words on paper seem more weighty and important and my thoughts and comments so insignificant once recorded in ink.

It's not only in blog-world, either. As soon as I have three words on the paper, I'm going back and double checking and editing and thinking that none of it is really good or interesting at all. Generally, I erase it all and think that someone, somewhere will say it better, anyhow. If I have a half a page of writing down, it's a good bet that I rewrote it about thirty times and probably still don't think it says what I want it to. Or maybe I think it says too much.

Damn it. I'm not that insecure. Or at least, I never used to be. It's just that writing has never been easy for me. Don't get me wrong, I like the end product. It reads quick and clean and sounds good. I just wish I could do it all without torture.

Maybe my metaphor was too all encompassing. I don't want to be unplugged from everything. And really, I don't have too be.

Perhaps I need to focus on what I will do with the time that I am "unplugged". Writing this reply with a minimum of retakes and having resisted the overpowering urge to just erase the whole damn thing as a whiny, self-righteous plea for attention, it my choice for tonight.

Now, we'll see if I can continue this new "the only way to get it don, is to do it, damnit" routine with a post about how I seem to hold myself to unrealistic standards and whether or not I'm so completely unreasonable as to hold others to them as well.

Ah. Now I have deleted that last sentence three times. Why? Because I'm not sure if I can actually do it. And if I put it in writing and then don't do it, well, that just isn't good. Maybe I need to remember that I'm not being graded on any of this.

I don't know if I have such a hard time with this because I'm a perfectionist or an insecure hack. Or maybe I'm just lazy. Gah. None of the choices are ones I like.

Thanks for putting up with me and reading my rambles no matter what the impetus behind them.

And I really liked your pulling you down the street like a leashed yet unruly great dane on a kibbles and bits quest metaphor as well. I would never have a dog that would do that; perhaps I need to train my attention to be well-behaved, too.