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Yesterday two teenagers were swimming in the Wisconsin River here in town, they got caught in the current and dragged over the dam.
One of them survived, but Samantha Flores was killed. She was 16, a sophomore in High School.
Sam graduated from the eighth grade at St. Francis two years ago and was in my computer classes for the three years she spent there in Middle School. She was smart, rebellious, a force of personality. She was fearless and intractable in the way that brilliant and talented teenagers can be. She had a twin brother Oscar who only spent sixth grade in St. Francis, a younger brother David, and several older siblings that I never met. My mom, in her last year of teaching, had Oscar in class for a half a year (they moved to St. Francis at semester).
I have no comprehension of the loss the family is feeling. I know I spent all day trying to figure out how I felt and trying, in some small, totally meaningless way, to understand how you could keep breathing after you lost your child. I know that I don't process these things in the same way as most do. I don't like talking about it -- not to the other teachers in school, not to my Mom, not to friends. I don't express my feelings well, because I don't know how to manage such overwhelming emotion.
And I'm not sure I have any right to such feelings at all.
I knew Sam only fleetingly and, more often than not, we were at odds for our personalities were not really suited to compatible encounters. I know that I did not know her well enough and I know that I too often saw only the contrary in her (a fault that is all mine). I'm not sure if I ever gave her a reason to have charitable thoughts toward me and I'm not sure, now, if my actions were the right ones. I never did anything wrong, I just don't know if I did anything right. It feels false to post about grieving for her when so many more out there knew and cherished her in a way I never did.
Yet, grieve I do.
May God bring peace to the family. May they somehow find a comfort in this time of desolation.
One of them survived, but Samantha Flores was killed. She was 16, a sophomore in High School.
Sam graduated from the eighth grade at St. Francis two years ago and was in my computer classes for the three years she spent there in Middle School. She was smart, rebellious, a force of personality. She was fearless and intractable in the way that brilliant and talented teenagers can be. She had a twin brother Oscar who only spent sixth grade in St. Francis, a younger brother David, and several older siblings that I never met. My mom, in her last year of teaching, had Oscar in class for a half a year (they moved to St. Francis at semester).
I have no comprehension of the loss the family is feeling. I know I spent all day trying to figure out how I felt and trying, in some small, totally meaningless way, to understand how you could keep breathing after you lost your child. I know that I don't process these things in the same way as most do. I don't like talking about it -- not to the other teachers in school, not to my Mom, not to friends. I don't express my feelings well, because I don't know how to manage such overwhelming emotion.
And I'm not sure I have any right to such feelings at all.
I knew Sam only fleetingly and, more often than not, we were at odds for our personalities were not really suited to compatible encounters. I know that I did not know her well enough and I know that I too often saw only the contrary in her (a fault that is all mine). I'm not sure if I ever gave her a reason to have charitable thoughts toward me and I'm not sure, now, if my actions were the right ones. I never did anything wrong, I just don't know if I did anything right. It feels false to post about grieving for her when so many more out there knew and cherished her in a way I never did.
Yet, grieve I do.
May God bring peace to the family. May they somehow find a comfort in this time of desolation.
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no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 06:44 pm (UTC)From:Be well
Ron
no subject
Date: 2004-06-19 06:38 pm (UTC)From:It does always seem to be more to say that is wrong than right.
In the end, though, a kind word and a comforting thought is what brings healing.
And your thought always help me "be well".
Thanks.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-04 08:40 pm (UTC)From:I agree it is not something you want to think about ahpping to someone closer, but rest assured there are people who will be there to offer sympathies when it happens. Often that is all anyone can do to help, and you hope that it is enough.
peace be with us all