partly

Courtesy of

rbonke, via e-mail.

Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
I don't know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it's hard to pronounce.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I’ll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
Thank you. we're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
Do I look like a people person?
This isn't an office. it's hell with fluorescent lighting.
Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
How do I set a laser printer to stun?

Finally, my personal favorite (and my current personal philosophy) --

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.