There is that moment of realization, when your place in life is very clearly defined. When you can't lie to yourself about how smart you are, or how talented you are or how good you look or how much you're loved. There's that moment when reality comes up and slaps you in the face and says: This is how it really is. You are not smart or talented and you don't look that good. The only person who thinks you're all that is you. Deal.
God, I hate those moments.
I wonder if that's what it's like to be a lab rat. You run through the maze and make it to the end -- you get rewarded with praise and cheese and you think you did something really cool. All that work, all the effort -- it was good, right? The rat is lucky never to realize that dumb was expected. That all the work and effort was nothing compared to what the people running the maze can do. The lab rat will never have to realize that the words "That was smart" is inevitably followed by "for a lab rat.
Play the games. Jump though the hoops. Follow the maze. You may be dumb and predictable, but that why they keep you around. Someone has to provide the amusement.
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Date: 2007-10-07 11:34 pm (UTC)From:Take a nap love, call someone you care about and make their day. Just stop thinking so much and all will be well.
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Date: 2007-10-08 03:31 am (UTC)From:I'm better now. This feeling has been dogging me for a while and, oddly enough, just posting about it helped. It usually doesn't work that way for me.
Just stop thinking so much and all will be well. You're right. Navel gazing is very bad for me, as I tend to go the dark route. Its the same reason I don't write poetry -- it's gets dark really fast.
Thanks for the concern and the comment. *hugs*
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Date: 2007-10-08 01:41 am (UTC)From:*hugs*
You are a brilliant, fun, capable, loving person. Them as tries to say otherwise needs to be thumped. *raises hand to volunteer to administer said thumpin'*
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Date: 2007-10-08 03:40 am (UTC)From:I'm doing better already and I'm hoping that I get my equilibrium back to normal and it stays that way.