Problems I have no solutions to --

[partly]

Myr is generally enjoying High School. This is good. She is a little stressed, though, with the change in semester coming up. She will lose art and pick up gym. It's a very bad trade -- her favorite class to her very least favorite class. She also is switch lunches. This combination is driving home the fact that she doesn't have any classes or even lunch with any of her friends yet they all have classes and lunch with each other and many more of their friends. That course, means that she's always on the outside of any real circle of friends. Most often she feels that she's an after thought, a third wheel, a tag-a-long.

It's a problem I have no solutions to.

The motto "Make new friends" only works for those who can make new friends. I'm sure there's a knack to it, but I have no idea what it is. I don't make friends. Hell, I can't even make new online friends. I have no idea how to help her do something I can't do.

Of course, part of the problem is that she doesn't need to be with friends. She is a bit of a loner -- by choice -- and she can find ways to happily occupy herself without have to be with others. This is a problem, especially in High School. Because she can be alone, she doesn't have the patience to do all the little things that people need to do in order to break into a new "friend" group. She tires quickly of social games. She has a very strong sense of self and doesn't much care for being a "pleeb" -- she very much expects to be treated as an equal without having to jump through circles to "earn" a place.

I totally understand all of that. I don't have any answers for her.

Fortunately, she doesn't have a problem with it all the time. She enjoys the classes enough to not need a circle of friends to provide her with enjoyment of school. I'm not greatly concerned for her over this. I just... just want things to be easier for her.

Comments

[finabair.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I think she might just need to be patient. I didn't really make friends until junior year of high school, I think that's when folks start to really figure out - and be comfortable with the fact - that they're not all about the social games.

As for making friends, the people I know who have the most friends seem to be the ones who're good at listening and remembering what people have told them. But there needs to be someone who appreciates that on the other end of the equation for it to work, remember, and I'm not sure it does at 14.

[donnickcottage.livejournal.com]

I was a loner, and through most of it I was just fine with being so. I'd just keep an eye open for sadness and sarcasm. She sounds strong enough that when she needs people around her she'll go find them.

[partly.livejournal.com]

This is true.

I just (foolishly) don't want her to be sad. And I know that she just needs to talk to me and to hear me say that it's all right and that it will be fine and that she is good and strong...

I am a loner, always have been. I think the thing that hits me the hardest about this is that I feel the same way, at times. It's never something I've managed to come to terms with in my life and I hate the feeling of not being about to help her.

And, I admit, this is probably bothering me more than it is her.

[donnickcottage.livejournal.com]

I get ya lass. I wish I could help too. I don't want anyone to be sad.