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No. And it's not a question of getting hurt, it's a point of trust, privacy and honesty.
I either trust the person I love or I don't. If trust them, then I trust them. If I don't, well then I should leave them. End of story.
It always bothers me that people say "He/She was lying to me and I didn't know it. How can I trust him/her again?" If you only trust someone because you always know when they lie, then you don't trust them at all. In order to trust someone you have to allow them their privacy, their own secrets. You have to allow that they may be lying, but that you trust they aren't. The greatest gift of trust is allowing the person you trust to be their own person. Do you risk getting hurt? Yes. But in exchange for that risk, you get something amazing: their trust and the chance to be your own person.
To me, one of the most important rights of being an individual is that I belong to me. My thoughts, my actions, my secrets-- they are mine. They are what make me me. They are mine to keep, to share or to hide away. That privacy, the ability to keep my things mine, well, stealing that from me would be a unforgivable betrayal of who I am and I would never do that to anyone else.
And there's always that little matter of honesty. Too many people don't understand honesty. They consider honesty to be knowing all the details and minutia of a situation. But honesty is so much more complex than that. Magically stealing everything about you, doesn't give me the truth of things. It doesn't make you honest and it certainly doesn't make me honest. Honesty comes from the telling, from the sharing, from the connection that is made by the willing and desired sharing of information.
Who I am and what I choose to share of me with others is a gift. Just as who they are and what they choose to share with me is a gift. I've no right to take that away from someone else. And to do so because I say that I love them is a perversion of the concept of love.
In My (Not So) Humble Opinion, anyhow.
No. And it's not a question of getting hurt, it's a point of trust, privacy and honesty.
I either trust the person I love or I don't. If trust them, then I trust them. If I don't, well then I should leave them. End of story.
It always bothers me that people say "He/She was lying to me and I didn't know it. How can I trust him/her again?" If you only trust someone because you always know when they lie, then you don't trust them at all. In order to trust someone you have to allow them their privacy, their own secrets. You have to allow that they may be lying, but that you trust they aren't. The greatest gift of trust is allowing the person you trust to be their own person. Do you risk getting hurt? Yes. But in exchange for that risk, you get something amazing: their trust and the chance to be your own person.
To me, one of the most important rights of being an individual is that I belong to me. My thoughts, my actions, my secrets-- they are mine. They are what make me me. They are mine to keep, to share or to hide away. That privacy, the ability to keep my things mine, well, stealing that from me would be a unforgivable betrayal of who I am and I would never do that to anyone else.
And there's always that little matter of honesty. Too many people don't understand honesty. They consider honesty to be knowing all the details and minutia of a situation. But honesty is so much more complex than that. Magically stealing everything about you, doesn't give me the truth of things. It doesn't make you honest and it certainly doesn't make me honest. Honesty comes from the telling, from the sharing, from the connection that is made by the willing and desired sharing of information.
Who I am and what I choose to share of me with others is a gift. Just as who they are and what they choose to share with me is a gift. I've no right to take that away from someone else. And to do so because I say that I love them is a perversion of the concept of love.
In My (Not So) Humble Opinion, anyhow.
