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No. And it's not a question of getting hurt, it's a point of trust, privacy and honesty.
I either trust the person I love or I don't. If trust them, then I trust them. If I don't, well then I should leave them. End of story.
It always bothers me that people say "He/She was lying to me and I didn't know it. How can I trust him/her again?" If you only trust someone because you always know when they lie, then you don't trust them at all. In order to trust someone you have to allow them their privacy, their own secrets. You have to allow that they may be lying, but that you trust they aren't. The greatest gift of trust is allowing the person you trust to be their own person. Do you risk getting hurt? Yes. But in exchange for that risk, you get something amazing: their trust and the chance to be your own person.
To me, one of the most important rights of being an individual is that I belong to me. My thoughts, my actions, my secrets-- they are mine. They are what make me me. They are mine to keep, to share or to hide away. That privacy, the ability to keep my things mine, well, stealing that from me would be a unforgivable betrayal of who I am and I would never do that to anyone else.
And there's always that little matter of honesty. Too many people don't understand honesty. They consider honesty to be knowing all the details and minutia of a situation. But honesty is so much more complex than that. Magically stealing everything about you, doesn't give me the truth of things. It doesn't make you honest and it certainly doesn't make me honest. Honesty comes from the telling, from the sharing, from the connection that is made by the willing and desired sharing of information.
Who I am and what I choose to share of me with others is a gift. Just as who they are and what they choose to share with me is a gift. I've no right to take that away from someone else. And to do so because I say that I love them is a perversion of the concept of love.
In My (Not So) Humble Opinion, anyhow.
No. And it's not a question of getting hurt, it's a point of trust, privacy and honesty.
I either trust the person I love or I don't. If trust them, then I trust them. If I don't, well then I should leave them. End of story.
It always bothers me that people say "He/She was lying to me and I didn't know it. How can I trust him/her again?" If you only trust someone because you always know when they lie, then you don't trust them at all. In order to trust someone you have to allow them their privacy, their own secrets. You have to allow that they may be lying, but that you trust they aren't. The greatest gift of trust is allowing the person you trust to be their own person. Do you risk getting hurt? Yes. But in exchange for that risk, you get something amazing: their trust and the chance to be your own person.
To me, one of the most important rights of being an individual is that I belong to me. My thoughts, my actions, my secrets-- they are mine. They are what make me me. They are mine to keep, to share or to hide away. That privacy, the ability to keep my things mine, well, stealing that from me would be a unforgivable betrayal of who I am and I would never do that to anyone else.
And there's always that little matter of honesty. Too many people don't understand honesty. They consider honesty to be knowing all the details and minutia of a situation. But honesty is so much more complex than that. Magically stealing everything about you, doesn't give me the truth of things. It doesn't make you honest and it certainly doesn't make me honest. Honesty comes from the telling, from the sharing, from the connection that is made by the willing and desired sharing of information.
Who I am and what I choose to share of me with others is a gift. Just as who they are and what they choose to share with me is a gift. I've no right to take that away from someone else. And to do so because I say that I love them is a perversion of the concept of love.
In My (Not So) Humble Opinion, anyhow.
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no subject
Date: 2010-06-04 08:01 pm (UTC)From:Have I told you lately how Absolutely AMAZING you are? Because I think you are so incredibly wonderful! I think so all the time, really, but even more especially whenever you answer one of these types of memes and things. Because you have this wonderfully pragmatic and honest and fantastic view of the world that not only makes total sense to me, but you can Express It so incredibly well!
I looked at the original question and was all "No, wouldn't want to know" but hadn't the words for it, and there you were, with Amazing Words!!! And reading what you wrote made several other wordless-inside-my-head things slide and click into place. Truly.
I so rarely have good words for the thinky bits inside my head. I know that you say that you struggle with words some of the time, but I so value and adore your words!
So, Thank You! For everything.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-05 02:22 am (UTC)From:It is gratifying to know that my thoughts make sense to others. The fact that you (an amazing person in your own right) likes what I say is very cool.
And I really need to thank you for the kind words. They were just what I needed today.