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I don't make plans. I know that sounds odd, because so much of the world everywhere is about making plans and keeping them. In fact, not planning things is often seen as a failure of character. A sign of a person with no vision and no drive.
I don't know, it could be.
I hate making plans because I feel like such a failure when they fall through. Everyday Wil says to me "What's the plan for the day?" If I say "Writing" but don't write, how do I explain that? If I say "Cleaning" but don't clean, then what? I mean, if I can't even do something as simple as keep that kind of a plan, what does that say about me?
And big plans -- going out, getting together, going to Madison -- those are really hard. When those plans fall through, then I've got nothing. No way to make it better for everyone. No way to fix the issues that come with all that uncertainty.
When plans fail, it affects everyone around me. My job -- my only job -- is to make sure that everyone around me has a smooth ride. When plans fail, I fail. Wil and Myr have so much that they are dealing with, they don't need the added stress of me being unable to handle the plans, of me not being able to keep things going and smooth it out.
And that makes me seem way more self-sacrificing than I am. Not to mention it makes my family seem unreasonable and inflexible. And that's not true. In either case. If anything,
I'm made of fail so often lately that not planning eliminates some of that fail. Not to mention, if I don't plan then I'm sure that I'm not forcing Wil and Myr to do something they don't want to or would rather not do or that they would be unhappy about. I know that they cater to me and I'd rather not have that happen. Lord knows I'm wrapped up in myself enough as it is, I don't need to dictate what everyone else does. And, in all honestly, I'm more than likely not going to be able to keep any of the plans I make anyhow.
Of course, none of that really matters. Life events require planning, even if I'm not the one who wants to do it. And life, being what it is, makes those plans totally worthless.
And I am, once again, made of fail.
I don't know, it could be.
I hate making plans because I feel like such a failure when they fall through. Everyday Wil says to me "What's the plan for the day?" If I say "Writing" but don't write, how do I explain that? If I say "Cleaning" but don't clean, then what? I mean, if I can't even do something as simple as keep that kind of a plan, what does that say about me?
And big plans -- going out, getting together, going to Madison -- those are really hard. When those plans fall through, then I've got nothing. No way to make it better for everyone. No way to fix the issues that come with all that uncertainty.
When plans fail, it affects everyone around me. My job -- my only job -- is to make sure that everyone around me has a smooth ride. When plans fail, I fail. Wil and Myr have so much that they are dealing with, they don't need the added stress of me being unable to handle the plans, of me not being able to keep things going and smooth it out.
And that makes me seem way more self-sacrificing than I am. Not to mention it makes my family seem unreasonable and inflexible. And that's not true. In either case. If anything,
I'm made of fail so often lately that not planning eliminates some of that fail. Not to mention, if I don't plan then I'm sure that I'm not forcing Wil and Myr to do something they don't want to or would rather not do or that they would be unhappy about. I know that they cater to me and I'd rather not have that happen. Lord knows I'm wrapped up in myself enough as it is, I don't need to dictate what everyone else does. And, in all honestly, I'm more than likely not going to be able to keep any of the plans I make anyhow.
Of course, none of that really matters. Life events require planning, even if I'm not the one who wants to do it. And life, being what it is, makes those plans totally worthless.
And I am, once again, made of fail.
