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"It's not your fault"
"You didn't do anything"
"It's not because of you"
Completely useless truths.
It's odd how often the truth is completely useless.
If it were my fault, I could fix it.
If I did do something, I could stop doing it.
If it were because of me, I would be the solution.
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amilyn the other day she made the statement that our society tends to make us responsible for the feelings and actions of others. I'm not sure if its society or just being human. If you talk to someone and they become angry or confrontational or despondent, you immediately try to understand what you did that made them that way.
I'm fairly good at interpersonal interaction. I like to think that I can finesse people, make them at ease and help everyone work toward a common goal. I'm good at deflecting conflict and anger. While I'm a person who's very sure of who I am, I usually don't have a problem putting my ego aside for better interaction. I try very hard not to make others feel bad.
I like to fix things -- make them better. I hate being in a conversation that ends badly and having to accept that I had nothing to do with the bad end. Because then, I can't fix it. Worse, while I know the truth ("Its not because of you"), it doesn't stop me from feeling like shit.
I know, in the end, we are each responsible for our own happiness.
It's a truth.
And it completely useless.
NOTE: I'm not nearly as despondent as this makes me sound. It's just been a hard week or two of being cheerful and positive and trying to be supportive and helpful. That's the problem with being a cheerleader, you put all that effort and life-force into a game that you actually have no part in or control over. I'd quit, but I'm much too perky and stubborn to do that. (Yet another useless truth.)
"You didn't do anything"
"It's not because of you"
Completely useless truths.
It's odd how often the truth is completely useless.
If it were my fault, I could fix it.
If I did do something, I could stop doing it.
If it were because of me, I would be the solution.
Chatting with
amilyn the other day she made the statement that our society tends to make us responsible for the feelings and actions of others. I'm not sure if its society or just being human. If you talk to someone and they become angry or confrontational or despondent, you immediately try to understand what you did that made them that way.I'm fairly good at interpersonal interaction. I like to think that I can finesse people, make them at ease and help everyone work toward a common goal. I'm good at deflecting conflict and anger. While I'm a person who's very sure of who I am, I usually don't have a problem putting my ego aside for better interaction. I try very hard not to make others feel bad.
I like to fix things -- make them better. I hate being in a conversation that ends badly and having to accept that I had nothing to do with the bad end. Because then, I can't fix it. Worse, while I know the truth ("Its not because of you"), it doesn't stop me from feeling like shit.
I know, in the end, we are each responsible for our own happiness.
It's a truth.
And it completely useless.
NOTE: I'm not nearly as despondent as this makes me sound. It's just been a hard week or two of being cheerful and positive and trying to be supportive and helpful. That's the problem with being a cheerleader, you put all that effort and life-force into a game that you actually have no part in or control over. I'd quit, but I'm much too perky and stubborn to do that. (Yet another useless truth.)
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no subject
Date: 2008-03-14 02:49 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-03-14 06:43 pm (UTC)From:I just want everyone to be happy. Only even if I could "make" people happy, it wouldn't be the same. It would just be me, making them that way and not them being that way. If you understand me.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-15 04:39 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2008-03-17 08:33 am (UTC)From:"You didn't do anything"
"It's not because of you"
I think there are times when these are the truth and not useless. Telling someone "It's not your fault" after being raped, for example, is not useless; it is telling them a necessary truth. It isn't their fault, and they shouldn't be made to feel that it is.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-18 03:46 am (UTC)From:The problem is that it doesn't feel true. Usually I'm very good at internalizing things like that. Lately, I can't seem to get past the feeling that I should be able to do something to make things better. I know it's not my fault, I just wish that would make it feel like it's not my fault.