Feeling frayed...

[partly]

There was a time when I felt that I could talk to anyone about anything.

Lately I can't hold a conversation with anyone.

I'm not sure how that happened. I was good at small talk. I was terrific at dealing with other points of view. Even when we had differences of opinion, the conversation flowed. Lately, I just tick people off.

I wish I knew what I was doing wrong.

I think that, as of late, I've become too opinionated, to stuck in my own views of what's good or bad. I think I'm taking other people's complaints too close to heart.

I've always been a glass-half-full sort of girl. But lately, I get stuck on every little complaint that someone else has. And it's almost that, by acknowledging someone else's negative opinion, I invalidate my own.

I went to see "Prince of Persia" and I thought it was a fun little movie. I like the characters, it made me laugh and I had a great time. But I just can't bring myself to talk to anybody about it (and I hesitate posting about it) because as soon as people start talking about all the faults it had, all the little things that they should have done better, that they should have fixed or that was really dumb for them to do at all, I end up being unable to have a conversation.

I used to be able to talk with people with differing opinions and still be secure in what I felt. But lately I end up feeling so unsure about my original opinion, that I end up actually fighting with people over the stupidest things. Either that or I end up agreeing that my original opinion was just so much crap anyhow.

Actually both of those things end up happening: I get in a fight with someone defending a piece of crap opinion.

The worst part of this is that I'm driving everyone around me crazy with this. I feel that I'm being so needy that no one wants to voluntarily talk to me. That I'm slowly skewing the world to be all about me. That I'm failing to support my family and friends in the way that I should. The way that I need to. The last thing my family needs is me being this way.

I think I need to go and sit out on my swing and read a book. It's obvious that thinking is not doing me any good.

Comments

[talkingtocactus.livejournal.com]

i feel that way a lot actually. i think most of my friends would say i'm fairly confident and opinionated and don't give a crap if people don't agree with me, and i'd like to think that's true, but it's not. i think privately i do kinda worry a lot over things i've disagreed with people over, even relatively inconsequential things like liking or disliking a film. it's weird, on the surface i am pretty outgoing/confident/whatever, but it does bother me quite a bit.

i think for me the best way around it is just to try to ignore it to an extent - not totally because that would be rude, after all life is all about give/take, but just try to let it be less of an issue. one of my great mottoes at the moment is that if we all agreed on everything, the world would be a very boring place, and i often find myself having to remind myself how much i say that to other people because sometimes i have to convince myself.

as for being unsure of your initial opinion, i think it's important to remember that it's not a bad thing to allow yourself to change your mind sometimes - that's how negotiation works i guess, it's always possible to see the other point of view; you don't necessarily have to alter your ideas to fit theirs but being able to see their side is usually quite good, you can always agree to disagree.

i hope it doesn't get to you too much - if it's really affecting you maybe you need to look at methods to counter it. are you really being needy because of it or do you just kind of feel like you are because you're seeing your viewpoint? hmm that sounded really harsh - it wasn't meant to, it's just that i know when i was in the midst of depressions i thought i was making everyone else's life a misery because of how i was feeling when really that was my kind of me-centric view on it. of cousre they were concerned but i don't think they were being resentful or blaming or anything, which it sounds like you think they might be being. wow, that was NOT a coherent sentence.

i hope sitting on a swing with a book helps - i hope it's a good book :)

[partly.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your thoughts. Your first paragraph is exactly how I feel. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in it.

And you're not too harsh. That last paragraph is how my thoughts have been going as of late -- coherence is often not part of the day. I keep running my thought in little circles until I'm sure I know nothing for sure.

The book did help, it's one of my guilty pleasures -- part of the "Declassified" series based on 24's Jack Bauer. I'm not sure if they count as good, but I love them. *grin*

[talkingtocactus.livejournal.com]

yeah, that often does help, it's easy to feel like you're the only one, and sometimes knowing you're not can make a big difference :)

oh, coherence is rarely part of my day, it makes rare visits but otherwise stays away :)

haha i love stuff like that - books or films that are kinda silly, will never be masterpieces or whatever but they make you smile and that's the important thing :)

[partly.livejournal.com]

Love your icon! I adore the fact that Mac blew up the lab. It was so very... extreme. It's the Mac I'd love to see more of.

[talkingtocactus.livejournal.com]

thanks :) i actually made a better one (well i thought so at the time but looking at it now it seems a bit messy....) but it was too big for lj's rules :( it's here tho:



i love that bit too, it's one of my favourite mac moments - i think the line about the cleaning crew kind of shows he has a bit of a vindictive side which i'd quite like to see more of. even though it's not necessarily the nicest thing, it would be better than mac being some kind of saintly crusader.

[talkingtocactus.livejournal.com]

wow, that comment is really hard to look at, it's animation overload!